i am sore

so last night got home at 1:20 ish waited till 3 and snuck out to visit kristine.
got there at 6 o'clock and left at 7:50? her mom didn't know and I didn't wanna get her into trouble so I left. I pasted out on the lightrail woke up near cottle. I got off and started walking home. my legs were already very sore from the run to her house plus it was alot colder and windy-er in the morning than it was at night so i froze. when I reached my house, it was 9 ish. dad was in the front but didn't see me so i hella hid. i waited but couldn't for very long cause I need to use the restroom so I was like what the hell. so I walk to the door and saw him use the gate to the backyard and knew it was my chance to run. I ran to the door, it was locked. I opened it with my key and locked it once i got in. -ninja- whew got upstair restroom and then straight to bed. woke up at 6pm and was like why do i hear people. mom and dad, and it was dark in my room. the thought of wth are they doing up so early -i thought it was friday already- but i looked at my clock. 6:??pm oh, that makes sense now. talked to kristine for a bit. didn't eat at all so went down got food and now im here =]I won't see her or be able to contact her for 3 days >< roar

thanks for reading guys

What the Shit?!!!

So sunday. holy day. I get waken up by my mom.
"do you wanna go to church?" I was sleeping till she woke me up.
This is two days in a row now wth. LET ME SLEEEEEEEEP
anyways mass was long...as always. Got home.
My agenda for the day was check out urban outfitters to see if the larger size looks better and more comfortable cause my small is really tight.
Anyways got home and mom asks me to text peter to go to the movies with some of my relative. Im like -what the- "why don't you just ask him yourself"
she replies "cause he doesn't respond to me"
me: -____- Why the HELL am I the fucken messenger. I don't wanna be bothered by this crap so why is it always like this.

here's the case, mom wants to watch movies with my aunt and niece. Peter works at the theater. Why the hell does she go through me to get to him. if you texted him and he doesn't respond? that means he doesn't wannna respond cause he's working, or just straight up don't wanna respond. The point is THERE IS NO JOE in the middle of this conversation. I DON'T WANNA BE THE FUCKEN MIDDLE MESSENGER. if you they wanna discuss something find a way to talk to each other without involving me. What pissed me off even more was... hahah fucken peter called me and he always has to have the last say said something like
"if you don't want to be in the middle of this, don't respond to mom. I dont even know why you're fucken pissed. If I don't respond, thats cause Im fucken working. If you're so stupid (i think thats what he said) I'll come home and kick the shit out of you"

I was actually laughing when I heard his voicemail. its so freaken retarded, both him and the voicemail. just so freaken retarded. think about the advice he gave to me. he said that I should just ignore my mom's request. wtf. if I ignore it then she's just gonna question me "Oh did you ask peter, did you?" wtf then huh? freaken retarded. I wasn't even supposed to be part of this FUCKEN conversation. I have no connection with the theater. so go to him, not me and if you guys have a problem I'll be glad to knock you out right now. The Fuck is this?! I really try to be kind, nice and humble but maaaan what is this?! how the hell am I supposed to be kind, nice and humble when some shit face breathes down my neck for something I wasn't even supposed to be part of. Im telling you the, the level of stupidity really rose since Peter was born. That Fucker could go die and I wouldn't even shed a fucken tear.

Roar!!!

It's christmas eve, hello? holiday? so why the FUCK is peter being an asshole? hmm idk gee maybe its just him. But hey, he's still an asshole even on a holiday so I could give less of a shit. What pisses me off though is how rude he treated our mom. So my mom always asks these simple questions, they are annoying but hey, its christmas eve hello? forgiveness? patience? tollerance? She is in her 40's working, comes home to make food and gets disrespected by her own son? I mean...What The Fuck..Is This. What the fuck man. You know what maybe I don't understand you, and maybe Im tired of all this shit I have to go through to get to know you. I'm not sure if I even wanna know you anymore. You have major temper issue that I've had quite enough of. Seriously though, I really don't wanna see your face again once I leave this house. The only reason Im actually interacting with you is because we live under one roof and I have no license. That'll all change in January though, I'll have my license and the only times I actually need to see your face is when I'm at home. Im through putting out all this effort to know you. I tried all my life and that got me no where. During thanksgiving you stated that my opinion was the only one that matters. I was relieved but those words mean nothing now that I think about it. You treat this family like shit. Im done with the long waits, im done with you, im done...18 years of done.

dum dum dum....NEW DRAMA!!!!!! i guess =]

so like since -ponders- thanks giving? around there~ I got into a new tv series
"The Vampire Diary's" :P but yeah thanks to ATT universe I get to record the whole series -happy- I mean I've seen add about the series awhile back but thought it was lame and didn't wanna or didn't have time to watch it. Anywho, one day I just popped on the tv was bored and it was on...so I thought -what the heck- I started watching it. At first I was a a little confused because it wasn't from the beginning of the series. I caught up yesterday so yeah! :] interesting show. Vampires, Love, Drama, and just cool special effects ^^ Its better than nothing but yeah. They're gonna have new episodes in Januaryyyyyyy! I saw a preview of it :P seems pretty intense. But yeah, go tv, drama.

oh one more thing, I love you George Lopez!, well not like THAT but like...you get what I mean. Besides~ I love someone else ^^ (cough cough)kristine :P sorry I didn't blog about it yesterday, I got lazy and stuff. That's what happens when I spend the whole day inside the house :/. The good thing is I snapped out of it and on track of things again. =]

Thanks for reading you guys =]

sigh

this hella sucks...I passed the class but wasn't accept or good enough for english 1A. freaken A; this whole remediation thing is blocking me so much ARRRRGGGGHHH. sigh freak...basically all the GE's are either filled or I can't even sign up for them. this is so pointless. As of this point I only have two classes Japanese and LLD 2 (remediation) both of them have no GE credits. the Japanese is beginners so i have to sign up on a higher level next semester to get the GE credits. the LLD 2 makes me feel like shit. i need more units -.-

FREAKEN REMEDIATION....(you make my life so complicated)...

bleh

hmm what to sayyyy... well i blew like $155 at khols and kinda almost broke right now. hmmm I'm supposed to have a study group to help prepare for my finals yet I can't find them anywhere :/ i guess i'll wait for the next one but if they i don't see them then Im gonna go home and TRY to study T-T. i gotta feeling im gonna end up lagging. sigh. besides that I have to record my voice for the christmas show for smiley. -sorry smiley- T-T i feel bad for recording for hm but the sound track needs to be done. He could still act though it'll be my voice. I guess the "Joe's" could finally become oneeeeee get it, get it? ^^ lame huh. uh well. I gotta wash dishes, sign up for a road test. they keep stealing my dates >:( sigh i was pushed all the way to January now -.- bleh.

well love life wise =] yesterday was fun even though I couldn't help you and you weren't able to do your hw due to the lack of knowledge and help -.- we didn't finish anything :/. The good part that came from yesterday though was we made some really cool "Paint" pictures ^^

i love youtube =]

check out this parody ^^ made me laugh


yeaaaaah =] anyways the trance version is okay too


Thank you final fantasy =]

weird but cool ^^

So like I all of a sudden had the Beatles in my mind. like one of their songs just poof into my mind. I thought about the song "Let it be"



and then as i was searching i stumbled upon some very interesting people on youtube. it hella distracted me for 2hours just looking up their videos :P but yeah here were my favorite ones from what i was able to look up. oh btw most of these feature two guys Roi and Alex. Roi's the best! ^^


kinda catchy and made me wanna reunite with my best buddies =]


this second one was like hella intense and funny at the same time and the song was good too ^^


MEGA LOL. I didn't know this song even existed lol made me hella laugh =]


lol what up with the wig ^^. but seriously i think Roi could pull off as a girl


he did this in the bathroom lol and used shampoo as props nice ^^ his style is cool


this was a pretty hyped up song and they pulled of the lip thing really good. ^^ i just thought it was funny

\
Take me on~ ^^ oldy. the other dude looked hella serious in the singing. its just hella random how he puts on his hat and sandals and a skirt at the beginning lol ^^


this was alright

I liked these videos alot ^^ made me laugh alot. Roi's hella cooool. Alex is okay but Roi's hella into it :P. I hope they make more videos but they are in college now so i understand if they can't =] just wanted to share it with you guys ^^ <3 Funny how the thought of The Beatles let me to this :D

homework madnessss

I have research papers to reaaaaaaad by to night and evaluated >< ahhhh. im expecting late night today TTT.TTT

I never knew the bible would be so interesting

Dear God

(I don't even know if this would work but hey..)
How ya doin? I feel like crap right now. Everything is going bad for me except for leadership. kristine and I have had problems...again. I don't know what to do, i really don't know what to do. I try to be there for her, i really do but it seems like my pressence is unaffective. would there even be a difference if I wasn't there? idk, im not sure if i even wanna try it. she'd probably get mad at me and yell "I can't believe you" sigh. im so lost. im not asking you for anything, i just needed someone to listen. Leadership is finally starting to make a turn about, it took hella energy out of me though, whatever at least they were making progress i think that was a profit. school is still okay, just afraid i'll be declined from the final for tardyness and scared i might not be about to sign up for my classes. family. Dad. he blew off yesterdays practice and today was like only one hour of practice. I hate the signing up for the appointment online its so freaken complicated. annoying. Peter is always late so I ended up doin the dishes and helping out the house :/ i wish i had something i can lash out at without being blamed for. i can't scream cause the neighbor would be like "wtf call 911!" i wish i could close my eyes and be on the beach at night when i open them. i just wanna hear the waves hit the shore and slide back into the ocean. a candle would be nice. just me, the ocean, and the moon. I could reflect on my freaking depressing life and scream the hell i want into the ocean and cry for a bit. I wanna let loose of everything im holding in. damn this society. sigh. thanks for listening to me rant about my insignificant life. hopefully i can make it better. pray for me? ya ya thought not. kay talk to you some other time man.

What to do

What is this feeling...emotionless. I feel nothing. As thanksgiving is drawing closer I become more angry with everyone and myself. What the hell is this?
I don't wanna continue this fight anymore. You win I don't care anymore. Do what you like. Call me selfish call me whatever you want. I'm done fighting. I never did like fights :/ I'll just 'shut up'. I'll try to visit you but I just don't know what to do anymore. What do you want from me? Want me to wait? Want me to go away? Want me to talk? What is it that you want?

tired

so im at the library right now, waiting till 8:00pm so i could go eat with everyone at smokeeatters. why 8 -.- anyways, im up on the 3rd floor in the teen area. hella loud folks talking an chatting. im just on the internet checking my email, facebook, and blogger. im also listening to Gabe Bondoc "My plan" that song is still stuck in my head and its been what...1-2 years? but yeah thanks Myanh ^^ you were the one that gave me this song. I really like the melody and somewhat the lyrics. Its kinda depressing but I'll keep listening to it =]

hmm

Right now im really hungry...I woke up kinda late and didn't have time for food. I want food. I need food, but no money T-T im gonna have to starve i think sigh, we'll see. anyways, yesterday was our 6 month together =] wow amazingly its already been half a year -crazy- time passed by rather quickly huh. I wonder if we'll do anything today hmm :/ eh i'll just wait. Final exams are approaching meaning almost the end of the semester. -shocking- I still don't feel like im in college yet, is that strange? some people told me that its cause freshmen year is easy and told me to wait till i take the harder classes T-T eh he he. hmm we'll im almost half-way done with my freshmen year. kinda worried about my remedial english class though cause I was late again yesterday, and yes it was peter. strangely every time he's late there would be a quiz, a test, a in class essay. its always on those important days were time is the most important. I just hope no more tardies so i could take the final exam. peter better not screw me over -.- besides that everything else is good. -thinkin of subways- mmmm i do want something to eat...i don't think its open though, darn... we'll i gotta go talk to my teacher about something buy buy =]

ever hella scared a turtle before? we'll i think this is the expression it would make ^^

youth rally =]

so yesterday was youth rally. i arrived at 1 and took attendance and helped out a bit. i waited till like 1:45 to see if there were any late people. then i went to the back to see what they were doin. they were playing games like ninja and something else. it seemed really fun, lots of people were runnin around doin weird stuff ^^ I couldn't help but notice that our school was alittle bit lazy, maybe even conceited. some of them weren't even trying, just walking around on and texting. oh well. anyways T. Phat had this hella crazy horn, it was like made of a balloon, and a...what is it...that thing thats left over after you used the entire roll of tissue. the brown thing yeah, its hella crazy idk how he does it but it works =]. I really like the songs that they sang and the videos that they projected. Im thankful to everyone that contributed and more importantly organized this. Hai, you are a great actor, i believe he touched us all. as always i was hesitant to interact and be open but toward the end i opened up so yeah ^^ it felt good to have good and loud music with lyrics because i could sing and yell the heck i want and no one would judge me ^^ its a good feeling if you're insecure about singing in public :P but yeah, i wanted to search for some of the songs they used but i forgot what the titles were T-T i tried looking up on the internet and came across other songs so i was a bit disappointed. if you know what the songs were tell me tell me mkay? ^^ thanks.

The only thing i didn't like was the disrespect of a few people even including ours. idk it annoys me that people choose not to show another a sign of respect. is it really too hard to listen to the person, must you talk with each other right now?, you can't stop texting? it aint that hard. Youth rally is a get together to share faith with each other through, games, skits, food, prayer, hugs, songs...if you don't wanna be here or would rather go and have fun with your friends, boy friends, girlfriends or straight up stay at home? feel free...no one forced you to come. if you did come though, shame on you if you've disrespected one another. i mean really this is supposed to be a positive event, what "GOOD" would it do if you spread hate? common sense people, grow up, mature do something. "there's a time to play and there's a time to work" - Hai I hope all you understand that.

all together, i dont regret coming =] seeing every one and seeing hai go crazy on the drums and this really good singer sing. it was good. Oh! i also liked Bernardo he was cool ^^ i'll keep his penny with the cross and ring that hai gave us.

the theme of the rally was

Freaky just Freaky

So like i had alot of homework to do today cause peter stalled me 8 hours and we got home at 12ish. and the day before that I was hella tired so i didn't do hw. mom went to church, dad and peter went to church. im home alone, so i tried finishing my homework. As I was finishing up my LDC homework when i heard something. it sounded like a baby cried in agony or something but it scared the shit out of me. im still spooked out. I started to think about my mom's miscarriage a few years ago and it freaked me out. I mean, what if this was the miscarriaged baby @o@. I started looking behind me to check if there was anything, but there wasn't as predicted, but i had the feeling like someone was watching me. maybe im paranoid cause im home alone but this is hella freaky. im hella scared and I don't wanna die TToTT. I called kristine to keep me company, we talked for awhile and then she had to help her mom so i was alone again. T^T. I decided to start blogging this and then she called me back. at first i said hello and it was all silent so i was like -huh?- and then i thought about that her phone used to call my number randomly and then the next thought was the "Grudge" sound coming though the phone. Seriously i would have screamed if i heard the grudge on the phone but instead i heard kristine's voice after a few seconds. whew. im still paranoid and afraid. scary stuff.


Try to imagine what type of crying came from this boy, high pitched. It lasted about~ 2-3 seconds.

I like his style

I just thought he looked really cool playing one of my favorite songs.

facebook

so like i was typing out my plan for today on face book. when i finished i click send and this notication thing pops out and say you are only allowed like 420 words you have 5?? blah blah blah and i was like

D: -i like the whole thing though- grrr so i copied it and started to delete slowly till it allowed me to post but heres the originaaaaaaal
-paste-

"in class essay this morning, i kinda forgot about it...yeah...but i think i did fine...amazingly. whew. now gotta study for math exam in the next 3 hours i love my spare time on mondays -lifesaver- after the exam gotta do 2 research paper. one needs to be 5 pages long the other has to beeee like 3 to 4 pages... >< ah ha ha so much tooo doooo...tooodooo ^^ -a moment of thought- that sounds funny xD anyways i hope this day passes so i could relax again ^^ pray for me? thanks a billiooooooooooooooooooooon =]"

wahoo!

I just got my essay back from my teacher and I got a 4-
-YES!-
i feel really good right now, cause now I have at least one pledge that I could use to pass the class. idk i have a greater chance of passing now so im happy ^^
I just gotta get to school on time now so that I would be able to take the final exam =]

eh, i gotta feeling peters gonna yell at me when i get home cause i some what cause my dad to take his keys. basically, i asked him to drive me and he told me he didn't have school and didn't get up. I waited to see if he got up or not but he didn't and I would be late if i waited any longer so I asked my dad. he got pissed and told peter to hand over his keys when he got home. I don't know if he really took peters keys or not so yeah. if he did, then peters gonna bitch at me, if not then he'll just say "are you stupid?" and blah blah blah. so yeah, I having a good day, lets hope it stays that way.

what should i do...I don't feel like continuing the TA program

I love leadership, I love being surrounded by my church buddies but I really don't wanna go to the TA program each week for like 10 weeks or so. On top of that the program is at some other place that starts at 3:00 -.- class ends at 3:30. I don't know if its even worth it anymore. I already packed with school work, and my social life. To add, I can't drive so I don't get to decide where I wanna go. Sometimes peter decides to go to the mall and if I walked it would take longer so I have to follow. There's too much that could go wrong and too much dependence on me, I scared that it'll just crumble on me all at once and I'll be blamed. If my grades fall, parents yell, restrictions are made, and everything will be like a prison. I remember someone once said that "you can't have it all, something has to go"

Idk 30 minutes each saturday seems like a waste to me. I would rather just come back and see how everyone is doing.

The only thing that i feel bad about is Monica. I asked to become a TA, her TA and now I'm just gonna walk off and leave? thats hella messed up. idk , I thinking of talking to her about the program. hopefully, there will be a way for me to still be the TA but not attend those TA program classes =/

i really screwed up today

I ignored kristine today...again (second time). we were agruing yesterday and I didn't wanna resolve it cause we were about to sleep. anyways day came, and she was expecting me to say hi, give a hug, ask it she was okay. I failed all of that. so freaken ashamed of myself. I messed up this time. the pain is finally getting to me. its starting to hurt. the guilt the pain, seeing her not responding to me as fast anymore. how she doesnt know what to say. it hurts the most when you said that it was hurting you so much, how I abandoned you at spc. I look at myself and i just think -you're so fucked up, how could you do that to her, you freaken idiot! Ahhhhh!- I dont like when I mess up with you.

I feel like a big human piece of shit sigh.
sorry sweetie
I'll to be better, forgive me

bad night bad night

wow,I wasn't as sick asyesterday but man tonight went from good to bad. jeez.
mom wants us( peter and I) home right now. I don't really wanna deal with anything at home or with anyone really. I just wanna go somewhere like a beach and just watch the waves so i wont have to think about anything. sigh. everything is pissing me off, from chores to school work. jeez. freakin crazy ass classes assigning hella shit to me. hella reading, research, essays and crap fuck! give me a break. Then I come home and there's not even something decent to eat -.- i would look in the fridge and there'd be just jars and crap. nothing.

oh yeah I just remembered; on thursday or wedsday I was still suffering from sickness and had to use the restroom. I asked him if he could pick me up. he said yeah so as my stop approached the stop i texted him to come now cause I needed to go. I waited like 5 minutes and remembered that last time I waited an hour and could've been home by then so I was like -fuck this im not gonna wait for his ass- so I walk and walk I was half way home, 30 minutes of walking. when he called me. I was pissed. he was like "where are you, I'm at the lightrail" me: wtf -.- I tell him that I'm almost at walmart. when he FINALLY picked me up I was pissed and he assumed that "we were cool" fuck that I was mad. then when we arrived at the house he was like "pull in the trashn and recycling bin" i was like wtf I need to use the restroom why the heck would I text you to come early, call you three fucken times. so yeah. bad day that was.

but yeah. mmom wants me home and I really couldn't give a shit right now. i aint the driver and if she wanted us home she could contact peter. He does have a cellphone too.

I think i know why this is happening to me. I don't stand up for myself. I get pushed around tooo much and its finally pissing the shit out of me. you know what? I had it. moms always say "cause your more responsible, better than your brother" what a load of SHIT -.- I dont give a shit if im better than him or not, I want an equal share of work distributed. why the hell should I be stuck with the chores and crap while he spends most of his time MSing. fuck.

Thank you God

Thank you God for a good day. I know I haven't spoken to you lately nor have I thought about you much. I know I keep asking you for help. I feel guilty for not talking to you as much anymore. I am not worthy of you. I just want to thank you for helping me on the mid-term this morning. It was really easy, I'm glad I studied. Thank you for movies, I love them all ^^ especially humor. Thank you for music, it helps me kill time when I'm bored. Thank you for my clothes, I think it'd be awkward if I didn't have them :P. Thank you for fortune cookies, I love the little fortunes inside the cracker ^^. I know I haven't been a good son for my parents, but thank you for allowing me to have them. Even though they are busy, weird and annoying at times, I'm glad to have them as my parents. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them, but that doesn't mean they own my life just cause they gave me life. I'm grateful for what they've done. Thank you for kristine, she is just absolutely amazing. I hope we last forever. Yes, even peter -.- as messed up as he is, he has been helpful...at times...rarely. Thank you for the friends I have made, all the amazing memories and adventures that i had; I'll never forget them. I thank you for everything you've done for me, for anyone that has been there for me, for everything that has happened to me...thank you for that...thank you God.

With much love,
Joe

Have faith in us

wondering about my past is fine, there's nothing wrong with that.

I didn't date many girls, you are the third girl that I really liked.
we all have our share of rough relationships, and the last one really shattered my heart and soul. Im not sure if you know the feeling of pouring your all into someone and it just dies like that. I thought it was gonna last but it didn't. It hurt alot, i even cried. Felt like a part of me just died then, so forgive me if I'm not more passionate towards you. Im really trying hard to give you what's left of me. Its not much is it?

I just hope you understand why Im like this. The past is the past, we are the present thats all that matters, but if you wanna know about it I'll be willing to tell you everything. There's nothing wrong with that =]

Worrying

to recap on the top of my head, I've been distressing. Lots of school work is cramming at me at once. I dont have the freedom to do as I please anymore. I have a midterm tomorrow and I have no idea what is gonna be on it. Tet Trung Thu was fun, it was a chill day before homework so I tried to be happy, possitive and have lots of fun. Caught some fish at first, but it got really packed so I moved to help the teachers with balloons. It was so bad, it was in the middle of like...no where just the sun. it got really hot, so when we switched helium tanks I just went elsewhere. Thai tea was alright, the first one was really bland, the second one was okay except they basically only gave me ice. The meat was good. mass was alright, really hot and the bees kept flying around me T-T. I got some alone time with kristine, it was good while we were alone. I missed the "fish drinking contest" (so weird)

At night huy and I passed out candy and chips. I helpped out taking down some tents, put away chairs and bought more thai tea. I didn't grab a lantern this year :/ oh well. After wards we went to smoke eatters. wasn't really hungry just watched everyone else eat. I drank lemonade and sprite. Afterward we decided to walk around down town and ended up at school. we came back and drove Kathleen, Richy, and Nang home.

Driving was okay. I didn't like how I was unable to back the car up. I dont know how, and dad tried to explain it to me but I still didn't get it so ugh. He made these remarks that slowly aggravated me. I was angry and kinda stepped harder on the gas but I was still cautious of everything.

I have math homework due today. I had three hours to do it but I just didn't understand it. I guess I'll let it go this time :/ I don't like how life is going right now. school is too time consuming i dont have time for anything I wanna do. :/

just been thinking again =]

Oh! omgeee peter!! >:( he made me late...AGAIN except this time I had a quiz. I came in sat down looked up and saw the words "quiz" on the projector I was like fawwwwwk. I start getting my paper out and labled it with my name and stuff and the teacher says "one minute left" -.- I just got in and I have one minute to do a 6 problem quiz. fawwken peter man I'm gonna beat his ass when I get home. It isn't that hard to wake up at 6:40. I call him and he just lays there for the next 10-15 minutes then once he is up he starts his "grooming" wtf~ we're gonna be late and he wants to shower and whatnot? I called him up early for a reason >:( and on top of that once we leave the house he starts speeding like crazy wtf man. I woke you up hella early so we would have time for traffic, have time for your groomyness and shit. I didn't wake up early so I have to wait, so I can die in a car accident, so I can fail a quiz. I study everyday for a reason asshole! Maybe you don't need to do homework and still do fine on quizes and testes but Im different, I have to study. I didn't spend all that time doing the work, giving my all so that you can FUCK it up by being the freakin lazy ass that you are. Get your act together cause you're jepardizing my education. (whew, I feel better now)

blogging is one way I vent. I just throw every thought I have into it. things that are bugging me and I feel better afterwards, weird huh. Anyways I was so hungry this morning -o- I finally finished my math homework photocopied along with my MUSE homework. Got some Subways yumm but I eat it too much I think im starting to lose my craving for it. So tired, stayed up finishing hw and talking to kristine ^^ I just wanna pass out in the library right now and just sleep but I cant I have class in like...30 minutes. I haven't gotten enough sleep lately and I started having these headaches again since like last weekend and yesterday. I needa sleep -O- like this guy

I wonder~

I'll tell you the truth...this isn't enough for me. I don't have enough time with you...alone. I just wonder if I can keep this up. If I can go to your school, hangout with wilson and barely have anytime with you. I travel 3 hours and 3 times a week just for you. I don't know if I can do this any longer. sigh. I really want to see you. At times like these, I just really resent your mother -.- she just screwed everything up.

I want more time...thats all I'm asking...

You're still my best friends

My best friends are great and inspiring people. People that changed my life one time or a few times. They're always there when I need someone to talk to, on the other hand I've been doing a lousy job... I haven't called, we haven't talked. I still want us to hang out and talk and whatnot, always. one day when I get my license I'm gonna take all you guys to have a chill day. We could go eat, watch a movie, chill idk just do something cause there's so much to talk about.

Tiffany: I am so sorry I haven't called you T-T. Just remember that you were there when I needed to vent and that was a life saver. I'll talk to you soon.

My anh: I really haven't talked to you in awhile :( It's not that I don't want to, I do. It's just you live so far~ it takes hours and hours to get to you T-T

Nang: Idk I see you most of all my best friends. I mean we did go to the same school and you live the closest to me. I could even bike to your house in like 30 mins hahaha. Idk I could always tell you stuff ^^ its lots of fun

Even though I haven't talked to you guys in awhile I still consider you guys to be my best friends. If you dont want us to be anymore, I'd understand but I'd still be thankful for you. I love you all.

Wow, this turned out longer than I thought :P

life is okay at the moment, nothing new.
I'm currently at the school library just waiting till class starts :/
mondays and wedsdays ar quite boring cause I have this 3 hour gap cause my LLD activity class doesn't start till September 14th.

I'm a little bit worried about my classes. Math will make me do alot of research (not my best area :3) LLD 1 is gonna be tough :/ I need to make a good impression so if I need her help she is comfortable enough to support me. Somehow being late for her classes twice out of the three times because peter didn't get ready fast enough. today I missed the class just by a few minutes, sad. I mean I'm not freaking out about it because if I do fail that class I'll just have to go to community college to pass the course then return and continue. Either way life just goes on, I know I'm not really fast so this should be normal for me right? I like my stress management class though. Its very relaxing and I like learning about stress ^^. there are days where we just go to the room next door, lay on a mat, listen to music and his voice. I really like the "Awakening in Utopia" class :P its very lively I just worried that I wont be able to keep up with the others. If you haven't noticed yet reading and writing are my worse subjects. I hope I wont have to read alot cause that'd just kill me.

I drove the car again (my fourth time? o.O?? I finally started getting used to the turns and signaling and what not. My dad offered me to drive on the actual road insead of around the business building. I was scared and afraid and quite frankly I wasn't mentally ready so I drove around the bussiness building one more time then entered the open road. I was scary, I was checking my mirrors like constantly and thinking -what should I do- when I saw the car driving behind me. I made a u turn and dad told me to step on the gas more, I wasn't goin fast enough. So I stepped on it and when it was like 25-30 I was like ahhhh >< soooo fast~ but I did fine. The only thing that I have trouble with is backing up. Im not allowed to use the mirrors so I look back and back up. -failed- it was so bad, I have no idea how it works. I try to find some way to measure the distance from my car to the end and the curb. I couldn't find a way and I still don't know how its done. My dad tried to tell me what to do but I didn't understand, it wasn't going through :/ thats the only thing I'm really worried about, but besides that, its fun ^^ for now at least. I hear you get tired of driving after awhile idk we'll see ^^

love life? the though of it is always in my mind I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to talk about. I'd rather really have you face to face and talk :/ I wish i was better at conversations but the fact is I'm not. I will try but that's all i can give you, that's all i have. And yes, of course I wanna talk to you, I just don't know what to talk about. We already covered so much I just don't know, I keep talking about my wishes for our future but the fact is you're stuck in that house till you graduate. And I can't come to your house, I just...It feels like I cant do anything for you. I mean SPC allowed me to see you every week but now that you might only go once in awhile I don't know how we'll have "our" time. Even though I put out time to visit you at school on tuesday and thursday, I only get to be with you for like 30 minutes to an hour. On top of that we might not even be alone, your brother might be there, you might be surrounded by your friend. Don't get me wrong, I love being with you, I just wish we spent more time together. 30min to an hour two days a week doesn't sound right to me, it just doesnt sound right. I may put up with it now but, if I have to keep this up I don't think I can :/ You have my love and everything else that I am, I gave it all to you. I just don't know how we'll make more time cause I don't see any gaps. Your mom is quite the, "where are you" 24/7 -.-

A little something just for you :x

I hope you like it~ ><

Stupidity got the better of me

Yesterday was all bad. Today even worse.

sigh, FML...seriously just fawk it. I cant do a thing right at all.
Humans are not perfect
humans are greedy
humans are stupid
humans are stubborn
humans are full of regrets
humans are dreamers
humans are messed up
humans are liars
humans are sorry
humans are failures

I am a human...

I am not perfect
I am greedy
I am stupid
I am stubborn
I am full of regrets
I am a dreamer
I am messed up
I am a liar
I am sorry
I am a failures

I am pathetic, I sorry I said those words

Finally~

It's morning right now, everyone is starting to wake up. The plan for today is we go to an art museam. Don't really wanna go though :/ I mean yesterday we litterally spent the whole day walking at boardwalk. My legs were tired and sore all night T-T I don't like walking long distances. Hm art? Arts alright, I'd like to see what other artists hag made but I just don't wanna walk, but I don't wanna be home alone either so I have to go -.-

Breakfast is about to start, I'm just listening to music :/ I'm glad that I'll be home tomorrow. Ugh the trip back -.- airplanes (motion sickness). Philadelphia was fun while it lasted. The weather is really on and off though, like it could be really hot, warm, humid, rainy, thunderstorm but never cold. The only cold thing over here is ac :/ the view? Mmm it's more evironment friendly. Lots of trees everywhere, where as compared to San jose it's all roads and dead grass. Roads over here are really small, like 2 lanes for a highway or something. Shopping? No tax or almost no tax ^^ but dang~ they charge like helllll :/ I guess it equals out :P safest place from he sun? Inside your house, it's very cool inside ^^ my money? -.- don't know if I have any left. I owed mom like 200 something, peter 100 somthing over here and then I bought hella stuff. I think I'm broke -.- sad~ I've never been broke TOT sigh anyways I bought stuff. Lots of clothes, and random stuff ^^

How I'm feeling? Alright~ homesick for a while now :/
What I wanna do when I get back? Visit my kristine T-T
I miss you sweetie~ T-T

What a day, yesterday

I just wanna go home

Yesterday, was a bad day...u guys hurt me deep down
I aint typing this blog cause I wanna blame you, I just want you to know
I'm sorry if you feel like your making alot of mistakes, or not worthy, or just bad...I hope you know that I don't think of you like that.
Your mistakes are fine. Everyone makes mistakes, we ain't saints
Worthy? I believe you are. Your family is real tough on you, you try in school even if you aren't a straight A student. I'm not one either :/ you were hurt many time before and still had the strength to love...I sometimes feel like I'm not the worthy one.
I'm sorry if being with me has made you feel bad, I'm trying, your trying and I think all this good intension should not be blocked by my fear, your negativity.
I need you. Everyday I just wonder if your okay, what are you doin, thinking about. I never intend to hurt you

Wilson? Hmm I idk what to do with him. Feel like I was stabbed in the back :/
Time will heal I guess.

...I'll risk it all...for us

Wedding...

So I haven't blogged in awhile...don't know why :/ anyways today is the day I go on a airplane and go far, far...far away. I'll be staying there for three weeks to attend a wedding, then some shopping. I hope prices are cheap cause I'm starting to run out of money :x I think I packed all the things I need for this trip. I'm not thinking about anything, so blank for awhile now...weird. Well it's not bad, its just I don't know how to cure myself. Its just me, I have my weird moments that I just am like this :/ (its not your fault sweetie =])

Oh, I took the written test today at the DMV. Fail -.- there was 36 questions and I was allowed to get 6 wrong or less. I missed 8 of them. dude it was so unfair, I didn't know they were gonna ask questions that weren't covered in the manual. I based all my facts on the manual and got most of them all right. I missed three that might have been in the manual but the other 5 were sooo messed up -.- I had no reference and failed. Its not fair TOT if they based the whole thing on just the book, I would have passed it perfectly, cheap shot T-T. Anyways that was yesterday, killed my day...so I got home, and decided to clean the rest of my car up. Oh! yeah! I got a car, its a Acura Integra =] I keep hearing everyone wanting this car, but yeah I guess I dont know cars so that aint much of help for me :P

But yeah, it was soooo freaken dirty on the inside ToT. The owner before me was a freaken smoker, he hella smoked in the car (not that I could smell it but anyways) So first I just vacuumed the whole thing (hella dirty), then I attempted to wipe down the car from the inside (hella dirty) sadly I didn't finish though cause the sunset so quickly, it got dark...I couldn't see if it was clean anymore so I stopped for the day. but heeeeelll, the freaken smoker used his car as a ash tray ToT there's burn marks on his seat, on the handle of the driver seat in the back of the car, on top of that its dirty with stains everywhere. Then I found two sets of matches, a cigarette, and lots of crap in the car -.- well its nice and clean now. I finished wiping everything last afternoon (nice and clean xD) all I want now is to just wipe it down with dissinfectants before use, cause I don't want other people to get sick or anything. but yeah, I bet they were drugs too -.- but I'm just gonna consider it nice and clean ^^ I should have taken a "before and after" picture xD well I tooka a picture after the clean but yeah...dad says he'll hire one of those steam cleaners and steam the seats and what not so the stains can disappear :x I hope they go away ><

Hmmm...love life? things are going well ^^ I wanted us to wait a bit longer but couldn't resist anymore xP...I'll miss you =]

mannn~

So Im in a pickle now -.- (not literally, but yeah) but like, kristine's mom told her that she cant see me anymore. I don't know what to do. What can I do? ToT

Anyways, I cant see her for awhile T-T. On top of that my parents left for camping too so there's nothing to do. I don't even know where peters went, so its just me for a couple of days ToT. this was such a good opportunity for me to go visit her, but now I cant even see her >O<

sigh, I can't think of a solution...what if I really cant see her again TToTT
after we just waited a whole month too, man I don't know how long it'll be this time...



_____________________I need you_______________________

I really liked yesterday ^^

I finally saw her yesterday after a month?! I thought the first week was the worst, felt like dying. Well anyways, woke up alittle late like 7:00 am had to rush a bit. told mom I was gonna go out, she asked to gmall i was like yeah. So she told me oh just wait a bit cause I'm about to go to work too so I'll drop you off its close. so I agreed to wait. so she dropped me off at gmall it wouldn't open till 10 am so I chilled, then went to spencers to buy the hello kitty thing cause my mom wanted it :/

After that I walked to the bus station and waited for the bus, its been so long I forgot which bus it was so I asked kristine 46? 47? 47 right? she said 47 so yeah got on then walked to her house. she just got home from from school so she was already all dressed =] we chilled in her room, we talked about LA, I showed her pictures and a video. I brought movies over but they didn't work on the dvd thing :P we ended up watching tv (CSI) lol we watched stuff on youtube too ^^ the "Japanese (something)" it hella cracked me up LMAO (kristine could you tell me what it was called? thank you~ ><)

oh! we had gifts so we exchanged it, I gave her a fan (sooo~ prettyyy~), two cards XP, a key cap (match <3 ^^). I really like her present though XD she bought me this hanger for oldies photo thingmabob ^^ and the crazy photo book. It had pictures of Tokyo and it was a planner <3 xD plus? she wrote in it, short memories of our conversations and a flashback of our past in the back lol sooo cutteeeeeee! >< Anyways time flew by too fast. I had to leave at 7pm to go home ToT I wanted to stay longer~ so we said our goodbyes (she didn't look really happy ><) -I got home safely sweetie-

41st post

hmmm, I got back from LA yesterday, saw alex and nang at church. I didn't do really anything else for the rest of the day. I just texted and laid. eat sleep. I get so bored at home. bummer some of the movies I bought didn't work :/ I want it to be thursday. I wanna get out of the house. there's nothing to do. anyways I didn't wanna blog for awhile now weird, I used to blog like everyday and each month had more and more. somehow july is different...weird. I guess that means i just have to go out more :/ anyways this is the 41st post so woo hoo~

hmmm

Its been more than a week since I've seen her. It feels so long ago.
I miss you. I miss holding your hand, I miss your smile, I miss your scent when your near me, i miss how cute you looks when I look at you, I miss our alone time, i miss your hugs, your love, i miss staring at you, I miss those late nights at your house. I guess the best way for me to say this is...



One week has been so long and boring without you ><

Just another day

So my plan for today was supposedly to clean up our house.
what happened? Dad got lazy.
So what did I do? nothing much, just re watched some really old Digimon movies from the past. Watched a few shows on TV, but I was so bored. I went online, talked to Kristine, went on facebook, blogger, mail. I started getting really annoyed of the fact that I just wasted a whole day doing nothing -.-

Kristine tried to to cheer me up. Didn't work. =( But eventually I gave in somehow, and I was a little bit happier. Then, I decided to check blogs again and found that Kristine just typed one an hour ago, so I checked it out.
lol idk it just make me feel alot better. =] Thanks Kristine ><
you made my day today, seriously...you did.


love you~

I hate my bad memory...I just hate the fact that I am always like this

-sry for the cussing-

Why wasn't I there when she needed me?
She texted, but I couldn't receive it...do you know why?...I know...
It's cause I FUCKED UP...AGAIN!!!
my phone was at Tiffany's and Andrew's house. Why was it there?...I know
I forgot it there along with my jacket and my ipod.
Why the HELL do I keep forgetting SHIT...EASY SHIT.
IT AINT THAT HARD TO REMEMBER TO GRAB YOUR STUFF JEEZ!!!

My mistake costed me dearly this time though. She had to suffer...alone cause of the mistake I made. HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO THINK THAT "ITS OKAY"
(its not okay, not to me...not to me)
I didn't know you didn't like needles, you never told me...I never asked
You text me cause you wanted me to comfort you, to know what you were about to go though. You cried today...I'm not sure if it was from the blood, the needles, or simply cause I didn't respond to you... Please don't think that I have abandoned you, I never will. I'm just so sorry right now. I should have protected you, I should have been there for you, I SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED!!!

The one thing, I hate about myself...is my memory. Can't remember...why...why can't I remember things that anyone else could.
I can't remember my childhood (I hear stories, -aunt- "remember? you when you were a kid, you would just run around and wave to anybody you saw, yelling 'hello!, hello!" (don't remember) -peter- "hey! when we were small, you always picked on me! O:<" (don't remember)
it's not only my childhood, anything really. everyday sorts of things, hw, chores, the lessons in class, favorite thing a certain person likes, a conversation we had in the past, the thing that happened yesterday, what you like, what you don't like, what we did, secrets, stories, orders, favors, my keys, my papers. The one that hurts me the most though is, my childhood. I see pictures, many many pictures of peter and me, me and my family, me by myself and you know what the sad part is?....I can't even recall who that kid is, I have no memory of it happening. I sometimes wonder that, THAT really isn't even me in that picture...

Please believe me though when I say that I have never forgotten about you. I think of you every moment. I'm constantly worrying if you are alright, if anything is troubling you. I'm sorry I couldn't reach you when you needed me, I am truly sorry for what I put you though today. (reasons why I like to keep all my stuff on me at all times and I check if I have these things on me at all times. I'm sorry for today, i really am. I'm so sorry...so sorry. It's fine if you can't forgive me, I'd understand, I'm sorry kristine

The Sea Monster

So early morning I woke up late. I set my alarm at 6:30am yesterday but apparently I didn't hear it. So I woke up to Hai's phone call, he was like, "hey joe, I'm gonna come pick up up now"
Me: "kay hai"
Him: "hey call nang up too cause I'm gonna pick him up after I pick up up"
Me: "kay"
So Hai came, and nang and I came to his house and discovered Tina! ^^
then we waited...and waited...and waited. Everyone finally came at like 9:30am hahaha
Oh! we also persuaded andrew to come, it took nang, hai, but mostly Tina to convince him lol
There was two cars, Hai's and thay thang. I was in hai's car, we played the Alphabet game. I left the car when we were all on "X" so I don't know. Alex said they won, so I guess that it ^^
We got lost but we made it ^^ (sorry hai)
We ate raw oysters at first, then ate the cooked ones after we got the coal hot.
it was gooooood ^^ I want moorrrrre now xD oh well~ next time then xP
after oysters, we got muscles, and clams
muscles were a waste, they shrunk up like the clams after they were cooked, clams were good though ^^
we stopped at a shop to be refreshments and what not
Tina & Alex (ice cream)
Nang (Arizona)
Richy & Tiffany (lots of chips, root beer)
Ben & Brian (mountain dew)
smiley (?)
andrew (cant remember)
uyen (?)
me (Arizona & some candy that I shared with hai and nang)
we later chilled at the beach lol. nang, hai, thay thang was first at the beach
I joined later on, somehow hai convinced me to to near the beach and get wet
we carved lots of things on the ground lol "watch out for the see monster" ^^ <3
the trip back for me was actually alot easier and quicker than the way there. we chilled at tiffany's and andrew's house. talked, joked, played a little mario cart, boxed, ben, brian, and I hella messed around with then swivel skateboard thingmabob <3 I got hurt twice though =( I cut a peice of my skin off when I jumped and grabbed the basketball thing. then as I was leaving Brian (andrew and tiffany's cousin; big dude) he didn't want me to leave so he held me back by hugging me. I tried to break free and move and he accidently stepped on my foot and there was a "snap!" sound. I'm fine though, it doesn't hurt, my finger does though >.<
hmmm we ate KFC, and chatted and relaxed basically
I forgot my phone, ipod, and jacket at their house, hope i get it back soon ^^
Everything was good today I had lots of fun, except I couldn't talk to her...reception sucked...battery was dying...I wish she was there =]

Oh! at the beach! there was that woman, looking for a kid...I hope she found him, I really do >.< Pray that he's safe k?

Return of The Deadly Mosquito

soo yeah I came home and it was pretty late so I decided to go to bed. I slept and slept until I heard a bug fly near my ear, I was like -wth? must've been nothing- so I go back to sleep right? But then I heard it again and it started to make me angry so I just took the whole entire blanket and buried myself. Now this blanket was not my normal one its one of the thickest/hottest blankets in the house so what happen was, I was dying under the blanket. It got really really hot even though it was at night and the window was completely open. So I just gave up and poked my head out and tried to sleep for the third time.
I heard it again so, this time I was like I'm pissed now, what is it thats in my room so I turned on the light and just laid on my bed. I noticed it kept going for my ears -why is it always the ears ):<- so I took one of my shirts and blocked both my ears so I wouldn't be scared. So I just scouted around with my eyes, and I saw something flying. I focused on it and it was a mosquito. MAAAAAAAAN! why does it always go into my room! ugh freakin dad needs to learn not to keep goin in and out of the house at night O:< so I attempted to kill it but it was 3 in the morning -.- who in there right mind would have the energy to kill this thing so I tried...Failed. so I decided to just grab what I needed and move to another room. I closed the door behind me so it stays trapped. -sigh- that means I won't be able to sleep in there for awhile T-T
Anyways, as for my battle scars, I got 5 bites on me. one (left arm), one (right index knuckle), one (near right elbow), one (right shoulder), and lastly one (on my face -.- like near the right side of my eye)
horrible, just horrible at least I was quick enough to save my ears ^^

"The last time I felt God"

so hey, the faith sharing's topic was "when was the last time you felt God"?
There were many times that I could've spoke up an tell you guys about it from my perspective, but I didn't. And I'm glad I didn't because Camille and Tina had very good responses and it was important that it should be said. So I'm happy it turned out the way it did, I just wished that I would've had the guts to say my thoughts.

Anywayssssss~ I've decided to type it instead ^^ hahaha
So the last time I felt God in my life was either of theses three
When Sophia told us of her situation in the convent
or Lumos II in the room where we all cried
if not one of those two, then when I cried in church

not sure which one was the last time so I'll just go through each one xD
*forgetful me hahahaha*
so I thought I felt God when Sophia told us her situation because of the goal we had that year. Our project was "One life" and to have a person in our community, in our class, of our age? it just shocked me. I guess it was a lesson to be learn, but yeah to have something like that happen it just gave me more faith =]

Lumos? need I say more? if you went you would know xD
but yeah it was beautiful when we all cried *night and day* but especially day cause we hella balled our eyes out. To me it looked so heavenly, so at peace, so beautiful. idk if im using the right words or not but thats basically what I felt ha ha

lastly, the church. I remember I was under a lot of stress and I couldn't cope with that so I needed to cry. my mom dropped me off or something *cant remember* but I came into his house and knelt down before him and just had a talk to God. Its silly I know, how you're just talking to someone who isn't physically there, but thats what I did. Believe it or not, I've tried to talk to him and it just feels alot better to tell someone about my problems. I think of God as my "imaginary friend" ya know? so I sat there, to him what has been hurting me, what has been stressing me, what I hoped for. He didn't say anything, lol he never does ^^ but that doesn't matter to me though as long as I vented. And so as I confessed these problems to him, I cried...tears fell to his floor. =] For me? I think I feel God whenever I talk to him. but this happened a long time ago so im not sure if its the last time I felt God or not. but yeah

I haven't talked to him lately, not cause I don't want to but just cause I just don't. Instead for some reason I keep asking him for stuff, like please save ____, or I wish ____. I feel unworthy...straight up unworthy, every time I enter his house. Who am I, to receive the body and blood of Christ. I don't deserve such thing. You might have noticed that I haven't been going up to receive him. Its not because I have sinned, well maybe I have but more importantly I felt unworthy to accept it. He, Jesus sacrificed himself for us, to save us. I keep thinking how can anyone sacrifice out of so much love for his people like that. I can't compare to that...Im just some kid. but yeah, its been the longest time since I received the bread of the lord. I might receive him if I talked with him alot and feel that I haven't done anything bad lately but besides that I am too ashamed of myself to receive him.

I pray...for you

useless

I feel like dying. I feels as though I'm dying on the inside.
maybe its emotional pain or something but Idk.
all i know is that i feel so useless when I'm so far away from you.
I can't do anything this far away from you.
I try to comfort you through text, through aim through words but sometimes it just feels like Im repeating myself but it has no effect.
I am capable of doing nothing this far.
I want to take all your pain away, not just for awhile but forever.
it just seems as though I can't do that, and that just kills me each time you cry
its as i said, i see you as a part of me so...
when you feel sad...I feel pain...
Its impossible for me to be fine when you're suffering so much


i noticed you cry alot.
i'm sorry if any of those tears were because of me
there's nothing wrong with crying, I see it a stress reliever...
Its too bad all my tears went to waste
There's alot of times where i want to cry...but the tears wont come
instead it just hurts, the pain never ends
Its so hard for me to cry now...
There are times when I'm supposed to cry yet i cant
i keep asking myself -why?-
(why can't i cry?)
The feeling is there, my throat is tightening and the words wont come out...
yet i can not cry
i'd cry along with you if i could but i cant...I just cant
all i could do is give you icons like T-T or 8-8 or -tears-
I am so freaken useless

I hope you know ^^

This is just a little something I put together just for you, kristine. I hope it makes you happier. Please feel free to look at it again whenever you want to, I mean, I did make it for a reason you know xP plus the more you read it the more it'll mean to me ^^

Oh! just for safety precautions, this might make you fall off your seat, choke, spurt or something that I haven't seen you do so just be prepared and careful kay? xD I wouldn't want you to get hurt ^^ well anyways I hope you enjoy <3

I hope you know that you are the only girl I think of
I hope you understand that I think nothing less of you
I hope you know that you are always beautiful in my eyes
I hope you understand that I will always try to make you happier
I hope you know that you are the most passionate girl
I hope you understand that I never mean to hurt you
I hope you know that you are wonderful at making me feel wanted
I hope you understand that I am always here for you
I hope you know that you are very cute
I hope you understand that I am scared
I hope you know that you can't easily be replaced
I hope you understand that I am not that smart
I hope you know that you make your mom sound very intimidating
I hope you understand that I want to save you
I hope you know that you make me smile more and more each day
I hope you understand that I will never lie to you
I hope you know that you mean a lot to me
I hope you understand that I am not that fast
I hope you know that you are different
I hope you understand that I always want you around
I hope you know that you could easily hurt me
I hope you understand that I would be nothing without you
I hope you know that you are not alone
I hope you understand that I live quite far
I hope you know that you inspire me
I hope you understand that I travel miles just to see your face
I hope you know that you are more than enough for me
I hope you understand that I want to be with you
I hope you know that you are fine the way you are
I hope you understand that I am very simple
I hope you know that you are quite complex xD
I hope you understand that I like it when we hug and hold
I hope you know that you tend to over think a lot of things xP
I hope you understand that I love you =]
I hope you know that you are my life

I hope I won't make you cry again...
I hope I you can forgive me...
I hope I won't disappoint you...
I hope I will be enough for you...
I hope I don't hurt you...

Myanh =]

You are my one of my best buddy I'm sorry if i haven't told you things about me lately. I am so sorry, you truly are my best buddy though. You've been with me through the good and the bad. You were one of those friends that I could talk to when I couldn't tell it anyone else. Please don't feel sad cause I haven't been telling you about anything lately. I just thought that you were growing up, and didn't really want to know anything about me anymore, but I was wrong and I'm sorry. You are a dear friend and I would be nothing I am today without you so please don't "punch" me lol jk please do if you have to but just don't do it out of anger xD I really do want to tell you if you want to hear about them =] I guess Im still nervous xP. Please don't be sad or mad at me, I mean no harm =]

Orientation

Orientation ended. Man it was soooo long. they kept feeding me more and more info. ahhhhh DX. But yeah my room mate was a little on the awkward side. really weird actually. He left me for some girl too wth? idk maybe he has a thing for her or something but man he just left me.
Anyways I met couple of new faces and saw a few people I knew. I saw camille xD and Quoc. I met new people as well. I met this really smart asian dude name Daniel. He was on the quiet side but he had good intentions ^^. Then there was Tony, my "leader". He was alright, we didn't make trouble for him and he was really cool and tried to help us and make it more enjoyable. Then there was Allen, probably the best dude I met. He was Filipino and was real chill about everything and idk. He was 17 but he was one of the few people I felt comfortable around while I was there. The other person I felt real comfortable around was Daniel. He was an big african american male. We met when the advisors did there lecture and we had the same problem about our majors so yeah we got along real good ^^.
What else?...
Oh! the lunch sucked... blah it was bad, really bad. They served us burgers, fries, salads and drinks. I was not in the mood for eating so it was all bad. The good thing though was as I was struggling to finish my burger, thats when Allen sat down so its alll gooood. ^^
Dinner was alot better. they served pasta salad, patatoes & vegies, bread and chicken. it was alright but I was freaking out about my major so I didn't enjoy it real much. During my struggle I met a lady and she helpped me out alot. she gave certain advices and I cleared my head and organized my problems.
In the morning there was breakfast. Omgosh~ I was sooooo freaken hungry I ate hella stuff. I ate pancakes, two sausages, two peices of bacon, eggs, half a bagel & cream, a small corsant, and had brisk. I was hella full.
The night was alright. I had a dorm near the bathroom so it was easier. I laid there for awhile played with my itouch then got really tired so I just went to sleep.

SCHEDULING
it was tough, I had to rearrange everything i started out with cause I made a mistake. I had to have a lect & a act together for my remedial so yeah. on top of that the class I planned out was changed so now it made me get out later T___T
anyway its over now.

Im just chilling in the library to kill time. I mean I leave for camping at 4 and its only 1:34 right now. I'll have to find something to do T-T

busy weekend it will be

I have orientation at San Jose State today. It'll last until tomorrow.
after that its off to SPC camping. wow packed like at 1 or something. not that tired at the moment but i'll like die half way through the day. anyways I can't wait to join up with the spc group again. Home has been quite the lonesome. I need to learn how to drive -.- I had ravioli in a can this morning ^^
even though its was can, I still love pasta. anyways I should probably wake peter up so he can get ready. I woke up at 6:30 and hella freaked out cause I thought I over slept xD lol.
I believe I have everything I need for the next few days. oh! I gotta ask my mom for some money to pay for the camping, crap. hmmmmm I think thats it.
but yeah, I haven't blogged in a while cause I lost motivation. I blog like 3 in one day lmao. woooww GG. Anyways its starting to get late, I'll wake peter up now.
buy buy, thanks for reading
till next time then ^^

Just for you ^^

I made this for you kristine.
Things that I wanna do...
I actually don't really know what I wanna be
to be truthful I dont really know anything...
I'm just really simple, I want simple things
at first I wanted to become a chiropractor because my dad had some back problems and I wanted to help. but that's not really what I want to do.
I wanted to become a pilot but the down side was I wasn't gonna be able to settle down. I don't know what I'll be. I know what I like though. I love movies, but it can't happen because its too hard and complex for me.
An artist? i'll be poor for the rest of my life T^T
I would like to help animals too but I'm scared of treating them.
I really need an actual job so I guess Ill stick to chiropractic but I'll have to study kinesiology first :/
maybe I should just be an engineer like my father, sigh idk

Things I want
I wanna graduate from college.
I wanna inspire young kids to believing there is a God
I wanna car
I wanna house
I wanna get married, have kids and live till I'm a grand father
I wanna go to Italy, Japan, Malaysia, and any other place that sounds good
I wanna be free
I wanna have a turtle
I wanna....
I wanna be better :/

Asian fortune teller?! xD

So like, it was trinity's farewell dinner get together at Eastridge.
The only way that I knew to get to that mall was for me to go downtown and then take bus 22 to Eastridge.
This is actually the first time I took the bus by myself so, yeeeeeah.
I finally found the bus stop and waited. Then out of no where this asian (viet) dude popped out on my right and asked if bus 22 left yet.
Me: no
Him: sooo how long have you been over here?
Me: I was born here sir
Him: really? you speak viet so well~
Me: lol yeah I had lots of lessons
Him: so where ya headed?
Me: oh, I'm goin to my friends get together at Eastridge
Him: oh i see, hey kid after we get on the bus I'll take a look at your hand
Me: oh, are you a palm reader?
Him: yeah, I'd tell your fortune on the bus.
Me: lol...Alright
(enter bus)
there's a dude sitting near us and it would've been weird if two guys were touching each others hands soo he told me to just lay it on my leg.
Him: You will have man girls following you, because you are very handsome and young, plus tall
Me: lmao... wowww
Him: well if there's too much you can give them to me hee heee hee
Me: lol...uh i guesssssss?
Him: You will be rich when your older, but for now give your money to your mom cause your hand shows holes. that means you cant grasp and hold your own money.
Me: oh~
Him: You will love your wife alot. You'll probably mess around with a few girls at first but once you settle down with your wife, your done.
Me: lmao =]
Him: your wife will be willing to do what you ask
Me: uh.....okay~ =(
Him: you will succeed in school work
Me: huh? what? are you sureeeeee~ o.O???
Him: see how your fingers are straight, that means you'll have an easy life
Me: coool! xD (thats freakin awesome!!!!)
Him: If you do business with anyone make sure they're at least 3 years older. anyone thats younger will most likely going to take your money.
Me: ohhhhhh~ 0.0
Him: you'll live very long, at least 80-90 years old, cause your ear lobe is big
Me: lol sweeeeeet ^^
(this was all in viet)

But yeah I thought that interesting. Most of its sounds right, except for the school part. I hope its true ^^

wooooowww~

I was sooooooooooo right~ -.-
things were just too good for me so some negative things happened yesterday.
I won't tell you about it cause this could be read by anyone so yeaah~
in a nut shell...I got into some trouble....yeah I can't really go any deeper than that.
but the point is it was ironic how I knew something bad was gonna happen -.-
so saaaaad T-T

:/

Everything seem really good. Grades are done. Graduation is next week. There's no more homework. I started reading the drivers manual. My room is all clean. My clothes are washed. The dishes are done. I have showered and I feel nice and cleaned. My belly is full of food. I'm comfortable in my pj. Life feels really good. Oh! except I lost my body pillow T-T. I washed it and the cover came off, like completely off (only the cotton stuff remained). It's really old, so I understand =].

... everything feels just too right, right now. Its nice and all but why? Am I like being granted a reward or something? Idk I haven't talked to God in awhile. I remember one time I was so devoted I talked to him whenever I was alone, but yeah. I can't figure what it is. Maybe I'm just over thinking it. I'll just wish that everything will get even better cause nothing stays the same. Everything changes so I wish it gets better.

but yeah~ everything feels too right. I'm just worried that something is gonna go wrong on me and the whole thing collapse. That would be bad, really bad. Anyways, I'm getting really really sleepy and my brain ain't functioning real good so I think Imma crash for today. Goodnight beautiful world~ ^^

Why do I keep thinking of her...

What is with me these days? I keep thinking of her? I thought I was incurable for the longest time, but what's with "this" feeling. Why do I always feel complete when she's next to me. What is with me? Why am I so nervous when I'm with her? I don't understand myself anymore. Why is it that whenever I'm with her, and talking to her I feel so calm yet so nervous at the same time. I've confirmed that I like her but why does my mind keep thinking of her? Did like my brain run out of things to think about? That's not possible though. Why haven't I done anything else besides spending my spare time with her? I don't know what's with me these days. I like spending time with her though. I like the feeling, the atmosphere...I just like the idea of her being there.

I'm really scared of the rumors. They always somehow make it to the parents and then they gossip. Overall its just a lot of stress. I can't tell the future so I fear what will become of us. Will it last forever? or will it just be a break up and its back to tears. I hope for the best, I really hope for the best. I hope this will be the last person I will ever get with. =] but yeah, I have a feeling that we are gonna stay together for a very long time x]

I love this quote <3

Dance
as though no one is watching you
Love
as though you have never been hurt before
Sing
as though no one can hear you
Live
as though heaven is on earth. - Souza

I was searching for new backgrounds for my ipod and I came across some really nice quotes ;D
yeah I stayed up pretty late yesterday xP but yeah I wanted to find as many as I could or else it starts all over :/
yeah~ idk I'm pretty sure most of us are damaged in different ways and what happens is we retract, isolate, we put up great barriers of protection so that we won't be hurt ever again. Idk, to me, I really like this quote. It offers a peaceful resolution, but yeah~ I just wanted to get this out there x]

Graduation

My graduation is coming up in like two or three weeks.
soo~ close yet sooo~ far away. In my mind two weeks seems sooo little, yet when I'm in class it feels like its taking forever. School is really trying to kill me. Why do they keep assigning projects or other assignments that cost hella points. It's really draining my grade. I've never been really good at school stuff. I even used to thing I wouldn't live long enough to apply it, I realized that was all just childish thoughts and quickly grew out of it. But still, I can't seem to get a good grade no matter how hard I try. You know what they always say, "I thought asians were supposed to be smart?" I not that smart, At most I'm just a B student. I guess I should be glad that my parent don't rant about it cause I can't get straight A's. I sometimes feel as though I failed at meeting other people's expectations. I don't like to fail at things, makes me sad and stuff. I stress alot about grades, especially this year. I really screwed up and my grades are scaring me.

Senior Ball xD

It was really fun but I'll cover that later xP
so like it was the last day at St. Patricks and we got trophes.
we served lots of food, drinks, watermelon, and stuff.
afterwards we had a leadership meeting, and certificates
I was sorta bummed out when Hai was giving the last certificate because it didn't sound like me. Half of the stuff got through but I blanked out, and I just heard "he would go great lengths, he will use all sorts of transportation, he will listen to you" and alot more but yeah; sorrry Hai >.<
Then I heard him call my name and I was like, "huh?" o.o and he was like "you deserved it" :( and then I heard a long, long, LONG, applause lmao xD
I kinda wish I had it recorded and play his speech over again. hahaha. I hella thought that he was gonna say alan so yeah; sorry Hai x]
after that we ate and stuff and I left at 3:30 to prepare for the Ball.
I got home, showered...again, got dressed, printed out maps to marwins house to get the corsage stuff, and another from there to kristine's house.
I brushed my teeth, finish dressing up, charge the camera, and cleaned out the Mercedes. It was HOOOTTTTTTTTTT.
so yeah finding marwins house wall really hard, too many turns, and the his street was hella small.
anyways, I got the flowers and left for kristine's house with my dad as the driver, and mom in shotgun.
When we got there I saw her parents, wilson in his boxers smiling and there really really funny aunt xD.
We took alot of pictures and wilson was filming the whole time. Afterwards we put on the corsage and boutonniere and were on our way. The ride there was hella funny xD
My parents started listening to some hella weird music lmao.
when we got there I saw my friend Joseph and his girlfriend and we went in.
we were kinda lost and started wondering around and followed where everyone else went x]We founded the photography section and reception table but just wondered around a bit. Kristine somehow is related to Vincent (vinh) soo that was interesting. I was my group of friends and went to say hi and introduce Kristine to them. We decided to take the picture before hand so we waited.
we stood in line for awhile but we got outta line to fix the boutonniere cause it was supposed to go on the blazer not the vest. so we fixed that and got back in line. we were kinda nervous because we didn't know what pose we should take so we decided to have them pose us. so thats what we did, the dude was really cool he was like "that's why im here" lmao but yeah got the pictures so we went to the reception table.
from there I found my group at the table but they got full so we switched to an empty table and grabbed food. After awhile our table started to be surrounded by black people, yeeeeeeeaaah, it got really weird so we finished our food and decided to check out the hotel. we walked around. Went upstairs and saw some pictures took a picture with the "bear in shades" and went back down. After that Mr. Lyter was having his usual photography sections and we decided to get in line and take it. Kristine met some more people and that line was long lmao. After we took the picture I think we walked around some more. we found a map and decided to check out the pool and the gift shop. the gift shop was closed :( so we went towards the pool, we saw glass windows on the ceiling and I took a picture of that. We walked back and I decided to take a picture of her with the shoe polish station thingmabob.
After that it was King and Queen, we were so blocked lmao.
Anyways it was slow song so we got on the floor and danced then escaped went it was back to fast beat songs. yeah, I wasn't in the mood to dance, on top of that I start getting stomach pains and she didn't wanna dance so it all worked out.
we just chilled at one of the tables outside and talked, took pictures.
After a really long time my friends came out and told us to go in and dance but yeah.
so I told them, maybe later or like nawww we didn't wanna dance. So they told us, dude your gonna dance, we're gonna come back in 5 mins to get you in there.
I seriously didn't thing they were actually gonna do it but they did xD
four of em came out, one grabbed my arms, the other grabbed my legs and carried me to the dance for. lmao. Jimmy was hella surprise cause he was like "where the heck'd you come from?!" so the left me there and started goin after kristine so I was like heck no; you guys are not gonna carry her so I stopped them. lol
they told us that were gonna come back in another 5 mins and we were like time to run. so we wait till they went in and walk far from the dance floor. from there we just talked, more pictures, music, there was someone playing the piano. yeah we chilled till it was 12:30 and called home.
My parents were on there way and picked up up and drove her home.
from there I went home, changed, ate some more, and went to sleep
Overall, It was really fun xD

Why does this always happen

I can't find a reason why our family is so dis functional at times.
I always enjoy them when they/we aren't always fighting.
As of right now, I have some drama with my brother, and my parents having what I'd like to call their "phase".
But yeah, our house is kinda flimsy right now. It might even crash...It's possible you know.
sigh, stressful. I think the one thing that made it better was the light a life charity dinner and Kristine's birthday party. They got my mind off of things, which is a good thing. I would really like a movie, and some really good ice cream.
I was back to my old self today, I gave people money.
I wonder if its going to became a habit, is this what happens when I'm depress?! I start giving out money?! hmmm, I'll have to watch out now. sigh
anyways,I bought chocolate today and stuffed myself, I guess that means I'm depressed, right?
so as I was about to throw away the Hershey's wrapper, a nice dude asks me if I had one dollar to spare. I gave him a dollar and walked home.
I ate some rice with shrimp, and I saw Ice cream so I ate alot.
I really need a hair cut. its getting out of control >.<

Life took a new road yesterday

Weird week it has been. I've been lost in thought and really moody cause of how things are.
I ain't gonna tell the whole story cause...i guess I'm just tired of repeating myself.
Life is good and all, but house life is boring, being told what to do is a bitch and just when life couldn't piss me off, it shoves a crap load of drama into my face.
I've been stressing a lot and that's "normal" cause everyone else stresses, right?
I'm stressing because of the fact that lately all I hear are demands, orders, asshole talk.
I know I owe my parents, especially my mom; but to do most of the chores everytime?
WTF?! hello, peter isn't dead ya know; he goes to school, then work then comes home.
So why the hell do I keep hearing my name, "Quang" take out the trash;
"Quang" wash this; "Quang" carry in the groceries.
Do I have like selected hearing or something, cause I see absolutely bullshit goin on.
Then thing that shoved me off the cliff the most was Peter AKA asshole!

You know, funny thing how I keep making the same mistake all the time.
So like for most of my life, I've always saved Peter's ass. I have lied, I have given him money when he was in debt, and he didn't pay me back right away. "Hell to the no"-Nang
When I let him borrow my money, he pays its a couple of weeks later at most, sometimes a few months, but mostly? He pays me back a year or so. Funny huh.
So I had 10 tickets for the Charity Dinner right? I tried selling them but no one I sold it to wanted to buy so I ended up with 8 tickets. Hai, calls and ask for 4, and to give the rest to Peter.
At first I was commited to not giving it to Peter because I knew he was gonna invite the asshole that made me wait in a car for 45mins doin nothing, but I gave into what hai said.
Wait, back track a bit; so like I sold two tickets and had $30 in my room, the "asshole" decided oh! I'm in need of money right now so I'll just take this $10. W-T-F!!!!!
anywayss, back to the presence; so Peter comes home and asks for the tickets.
I told him to give me the money first, cause to ensure that I didn't have to pay out of my own pocket right. He say, oh I'll pay you some other time so I'm like, wth hell no. I told him that he'll get the tickets if he pays me back the money that wasn't even mine to begin with.
He got all bitchy and took twenty bucks out of his pocket and throw it in my face, which eventually fell to the floor. WTF, I mean could you be more rude in asking for my tickets. So my aunt comes home and I reach down to grab the money to ask her to break the $20 and the fuckin asshole just steps on the money! What the F#@$%(%)&!!!!
Then he starts to rant on me about, "you owe me money anyways, $75 bucks remember!!!?"
That $75 bucks that I owe him, was to help him pay for his FUCKIN! Wii system!!!! WTF!!!!
Seriously how would you feel if you "HELPED" chip in to buy something and he uses that against you. That's just fuckin messed up! On top of that, WHO THE HELL COVERRRED HISSSS ASSSSSSS ALLLLL THIS TIME!!!!! HUH? WHO THE FUUUCCKKKK!!!!! WAS THAT?!
Yeah, thats right, it was me; and this is how he repays me...(ungrateful bastard)
So yeah, I ended up not handing over the tickets and quite frankly I don't give a shit.
I don't give a shit what you think of me, but I see this as a lesson for him. I know he's still gonna get the tickets from someone else so it won't matter much. But I'll be damn if if help him become an even more aragant bitch.
After the fight, we went our different ways I went to a room and tried to continue homework.
It didn't work out so well, I was stressing out too much so I broke down, twice? yeah i think it was twice. I finished most of it earlier so I finished before 10pm. I needed to escape though so I told my mom that I was goin to walmart and grab my bike and left. The cool breeze helped me from pull myself together. I strolled around walmart a bit looking for how to wrap Kristine's present. I couldn't find it so I left. As I was biking on the long road on Monterey I noticed a cop car hella sped up on my left. He parked in from of the road so I slowed down.
He got out of the car and started walking to me and I was just thinking wtf did i do, wat'd I do? wat'd I do right. He spoke in to his pc thingamabob and asked me to get off the bike. As I got off the bike he grabbed one of my arms, i was like wtf? After I got the stand for the bike, he had both my arm's in the "arrest" position. I was like whoa! This was what basically happened:
Police: "where are you going?"
Joe: "I'm on my way home"
Police: "Where you coming from"
Joe: "Walmart"
Police: "Do you have any weapons on you?"
Joe: "what?! nooo"
(police starts to search me)
Police touching right pocket: "whats this?"
Joe: "My I-pod"
(Police feeling my back pocket and takes out my wallet and throws it one to his car)
Police feels my left pocket: "what's this?"
Joe: "My phone, you can take it out if you want?"
(police pulls it out and looks at it for a second then puts it on the car)
(police notices there's something under my sweater dangling, He feels it)
Police: "what's this?"
Joe: "Its my Lanyard, you can check it you pull it out"
Police lifts my sweater: "Hello Kitty?"
Joe: "yeah xD"
Police: "How old are you"
Joe: "ummm, 18"
Police: "When's your birthday"
Joe: "4/14/1991"
Police: "Do you have ID?"
Joe: oh yeah (shows cop my two year old ID card then realizes he has his current one xP)
Joe: Oh! sry here's a current one
(Police uses PC and reports, "Joseph Nguyen, 18, 4/14/1991"
Joe looks at him: "Am I in some sort of trouble?" D:
Police: "no, I just stopped you cause your bike didn't have a light"
Police: "Its a safety hazard"
Joe: "oh, okay"
Police: "Do you have any questions?"
(awkward silence)
Joe: "soooooo, what happens to me now? o.O???"
Police: "You can go home"
Joe: "Will my parents be notified or anything?"
Police: "no, but even if they were; you weren't doing anything bad. You just didn't have a light"
Joe: "okay" xD

So yeah, that cop made my day better, I found it funny xD
so yeah, this happened yesterday btw around 10pm on Monterey Rd.
I've vented like three times I think so no worries I'll be fine now.
Special acknowledgement to: Kristine Vu, Tiffany Nguyen, and Joseph Le
thanks guys.
One more thing, keep this to yourself and only yourself. I better not hear a gossip about this.
If word traces back to me, that means you guys screwed me over and I'm in for a beating.
thanks for reading, I know it was long; at least you finished. GG. sry xP