maybe this is tunnel vision

you know despite how hard I try, nothing really ever goes the way I want to. It annoying because I am supposed to have control over my own life right? I should be out there having fun, hanging out, parties and shit instead Im at home everyday...doin the same or similar shit over and over again. clean my room, watch tv, play some games, drive mom around. It also gets to me because theres always peter there able to go and do whatever the hell he wants and Im stuck with the chores. wtf. I've been trying to drive on my own. dad's condition: license, job, learn how (drive with him on the freeway) shit I had my license for a long as time now, job no place I applied to wants to hire me because I dont know how to do anything. I never even had a freaken job before so there is NO EXPERIENCE anywhere. this just pisses me off. so like last week I told my dad that by the end of the week we were gonna practice on the freeway alright. Friday: he told me he had work today so we couldn't. Saturday: mom took my brother's car to SF with her girl friends and went shopping. you know what peter did? he took my car. MY FREAKEN CAR! the one that I was supposed to practice on the highway with. I got hella pissed off, that just ruined my whole entire day and it was in the freaken morning. I just woken up too, fucken A! so I text kristine to see if i could see her but she told me she was at the beach so double shit right into my face. I had no way of venting. I remember thinking to myself -when dad leaves Im just gonna find all the alcohol I can find and drink it. Dad didn't have work today funny huh so I never did poison myself with alcohol. life is a bitch and this God i've been worshiping ever sunday finally gave out. I don't believe in his crap anymore. I've tried hard to follow his teachings to be humble, a helper but shit look that got me no where. aint that great? rather than getting back good karma I got nothing. Oh! it got better today. guess what my dad got sick isn't that funny? Friday, saturday and sunday gee thats just perfect for me aint it. maybe I do have tunnel vision because all I see are the negative crap of my life. It never got any better. nothing got better.