How to cheer me up? x]

Mkay, I made this blog for one purpose and one purpose only.
I made it so whenever I am "down"
then someone would know how to cheer me up x]

whenever I am sad, mad, depressed, or in some negative mood,
all you have to do is buy him some "good" Ice cream, and take him out to the movies.
But not just any movie though, to cheer him up, the movie must be hilarious x]

but yeah I love ice cream and I really love movies so it should cheer me up
If you accomplished these two but I'm still not feeling better,
then I really don't know what to do.
This just means I'm just emotionally hurt or something idk, you could figure that out
most of my friends know me better than myself,
I'm serious, some of you know me really well,
you can anticipate what I'm thinking about.

but yeah I'm not that hard to read,
I'm just a simple person, I don't wanna over do something

- Joe =]

Wanna learn something about Joe?

Mkay, so as long as I remember I always loved movies or maybe its just TV in general.
Story goes, When Peter and I were babies we cried a lot.
I mean heeeellllaaaa, till like there were bags under our parents eyes, ya know?
Annnnyywaaayyysss,
Peter was a stubborn child, he was hard to calm down,
because he needed to be held and hushed all the time, you know?

But when I cried there was a special treatment.
Whenever I cried, all you had to do was place me down and turn on the TV and
within a few minutes I would stop crying; I was hella mesmerized by the TV.
but yeah, ain't that cool. If I had a baby, I wish it were that easy hahaha
Thats all, I hope you enjoyed that. hahahha

-Joe <3

One of Joe's rare BLOW UPS

Somehow, someone just happens to piss me off right before I'm about to type a blog.
I don't understand why this sort of thing happens.
I mean, I try to remain happy and possitive 24/7.
But sometimes some body just has to ruin it.
Why? why why why, why, why?
Life is good and all, and I know I have it better than some people...but daaaaaaamn!

You know what it is? It's F'in ORDERS!!!!
Damn, are you like stupid or something! Its called fuckin ask!!!
Does it ever hurt anyone to ask a favor like,
"Oh can you do this? or can you help me with this?"
I mean its NOT F'in hard.

Maybe its just me but all I hear is "Hey, do this. Do that"
Orders, orders, orders, orders, ORDERS *roar* >:O

Sry for all this hatin but I'm so mad right now. I can't punch the wall, I can't beat someone or something up cuz it ain't mine.
Sigh, reasons why I want out of this house. sigh.
I wanna hit something right now, maybe I sould buy something and use it to vent my anger.
I'm tired. I'm so tired of everything. I tried of my family, I'm tired of relying on others, I'm tired of no motivation for the last 2 years.

You know what I need? I need to get away.
A vacation or something, get away and forget for awhile.
I always wanted to dissappear for awhile.
See what'll happen you know?
Or maybe, I'm still immature. Idk anymore.
I think too much, and no action. sigh.

If you read this blog,
I wanna apologize for all the negativity, cussing and what not.
I just needed to vent and this seemed to work.
Second, I wanna thankyou for takin time outta your life to read it.

College Already?

I really can't believe that it has been almost 4 years in high school.
By next month I'll be 18 and hopefully I'll be able to drive soon.
On the other hand college is like in a couple of months.
All these stuff happening at once, its crazy xD

It all seems so short now that I think about it.
I remember when I was short small, weird, goofy, energetic kid.
I remember when I stole a toy in kindergarden (faith wasn't developed yet hahaha)
I remember when I learned origamii in 3rd grade.
I remember when I woke up every saturday to watch saturday cartoons xD
I remember the times when Andrew, Tiffany, Peter and I played hide and seek.
I remember being taken cared of by my grandma.
I remember seeing my uncles high school and college graduation.
I remember being ring boy.
I remember when I graduated Bernal Middle School.
Good times good times.

Well that was then and this is now.
College is like moments away at this point.
I'm kinda nervous and scared, to tell you the truth.
I wonder what will change, I'll have to adapt and thats doesn't sound easy.
Most of my friend would be gone. How are we gonna stay in touch.
Will I be busy? Will I be okay?

A Prison

I live in a house, although its big its not pleasant.
Being the youngest has its perks, but I bearly have any say in it
My voice is usually unheard when verbal fights occur.
Things like, "I'm older!", "I raised you, and this is how you repay me?!".
Everyone has their own little rules, but when I make a rule; sometimes they say things like, "I'm driving I make the rules not you", "My house my rules".
Why you might ask? Because I'm the youngest. Youngest has no say.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm living inside of a prison or a cage.
I feel as though I have no freedom.
I can't drive, so I have to abide by their rules if i ever want to go somewhere.
I'm depending on them so much that I have lost some of my rights when I walk through that door.
If I had my own house, I could live the way I want.
If I had a car I wouldn't have to bother anyone.
Until I break free from their grasp, I'll always feel trapped.

My Greatest Regret

So some of you guys know the story of my mom and the accident that happened awhile back.
For those whose haven't heard my story, I'll retell it.

I was a sophmore in Oak Grove. Young, stupid, and irresponsible. Oh one more thing you guys have to know, my mom's is a neat freak k.

Anyways, my mom was currently pregnant and she was in her 40's.
Doctors told us that there was a 50% chance that the baby will live.
My mom decides to keep the baby and everything was fine.
As tradition, Peter and I had birthday partys every year.
It so happens that next month was gonna be my birthday.
This year was different though, my mom's pregnant so I've decided to do more work.
As usual we cleaned up the house. We did alittle each day till the day before my birthday.
We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned till like around 10 ish.
Like always, I'm the one that goes to sleep first all the time so by then I was already burned out.
I told both Peter and my mom that it was good enough for me and my friends and
requested that my mom to stop cause she's pregnant. Then I went to bed.
It was later that I found out that my mom didn't stop cleaning till who knows when.
I heard that Peter went to bed alittle bit after I did, but who knows right? I was asleep.
Anyways, continuing with the story;
So it's my birthday! Friends came over. Parents came over. Load of fun right?
I remember that I kept goin around and checking on how the guests were.
I also remember that my mom was in the kitchen the whole time; walking back and forth,
back and forth, Serving constantly till the very end.
Party always ends late. People left. Trash was everywhere but we tried to clean up part of it.
It was too late though so we all went to bed.

A few weeks later, my mom got sick. So our family setted up a bed for her downstairs so she can be more relaxed. She kept saying that her stomach is hurting. My dad then asked his boss for a vaction to take care of my mom. After a couple of day they decide to go to the hospital to check it out. (I'm not sure if i remember this next part correctly though, I forget so much) I think they said that the baby had a 40% chance of survival or something. So they came home and she laid on the bed for like two weeks straight. Then finally, one day peter and I came home from school and we couldn't find her. We called and asked i think, and found out that she was brought to the hospital. Later on that week my dad brought us to visit her.

(Everything you are about to read are my facts)
(Because this next part was heartbreaking for me...
So my dad parked the car in front of O'Connor Hospital and entered the building.
I remember being trapped in the elevator as it went up...my heart was pounding...knees shaking...mind was racing...and I started sweating with fear. We finally found the room she was staying in and entered.
There she was, lying on the patients bed, medicated. She had a box. It was around 4in by 12in. Baby blue, and it was tied together by the bow in center. She opened it and showed us some pictures of the baby...the box contained photos of her, hand prints, and foot prints. She was so small, probably 2 inches. She was smaller than your hand. I tried keeping it in, I tried so hard.
Then she showed us the cloth and the basket that she was placed on. All of these things hurt me so much, but the thing that pierced me was when she started talking crazy talk. my mom said things like, she won't be able to know what life is; She won't be married. She goes on and on and it just kills me to know that I could have prevented that. I could have prevented this. I could of had a sister that I wanted for so long. Yes, I was young, stupid, a freakin idiot that is incable of using his mind correctly.

Then again, this was almost 3 years ago. The first person I decided to tell was no other than Tiffany Nguyen. After that, I shared with leadership. I thank you guys for that, it really vented me. So why do I still feel so guilty, so ashamed of my past. Why can't I let it go?

I thought about my little sister a couple of weeks ago, when Peter and I went to L.A. Congress with Van Nghe. This happened during mass. The mass was spectacular, lots of dances and faith in the atmosphere and I just thought...If only my sister were alive. Then it hit me again, she'll never get to see this beautiful mass, never have wonderful friends, never be able to experience any this, Leadership or Van Nghe. I started tearing up.

So yeah, This has been on my mind for quite some time now. So to wrap this up, this is my greatest regret. I owe my mom a child and that's a debt that I can never repay.

thank you for your time,
- Love Joe