so its finally over is it

We finally did it huh. It just seemed that it was gonna happen sooner or later at this point. Maybe that's why I'm not in shock, surprised or crying. Instead, I'm smiling. How strange it is for me to smile as we broke apart. I'm not smiling because it's what I wanted, heavens no. I wanted us to stay together but that...that was just wishful thinking. I'm don't regret any of it, maybe that's why it doesn't hurt because I realize the situation beforehand. I'm not sure if it just girls but but all the guys I know commit to what they do. I don't understand why girls feel the need to be doubtful. Doubt never sunk into my mind until you told me that you had your own doubts. Maybe I got paranoid idk. Time to confess my sins then. I did lie. I lied sometimes when you asked if I was alright. I knew you were busy adding more trouble wouldn't help and I uaually find myself again anyways so I just told you I was alright. What else did I lie about. I lied when I said I felt the same way as I did she we first fell for each other. I knew it was t true but I refused to believe it so I said I still did. Truth is I didn't feel the same anymore. The absence that you left took a big affct on how I felt. I think I wouldve been fine if we kept staying in touch but that changed somewhere. How unfortunate. Like you said. There isn't a doubt that I do care for you and love you as well but we aren't "in love" anymore. I think the thing I missed the most was spending time with you. I could of spent days with you if I could but things got problematic. We stopped seeing each other. Me having to commute made you feel like you were burdening me. Your mom, school, the spc thing, blackie. Yeah I missed that the most. Spending time. I hope you don't see this as your fault. I mean I know you are probably the reason why this ended but I still don't want you to see this as your fault. For me I'm trying to see the better side of this. I know this isn't the end of the world. You don't have to be troubled anymore. I get to be single? (not so sure I'm happy about that) I get to find myself now without feeling bad for leaving you. Who knows maybe we might have another chance in the future. I know one thing imma do. I know for sure imma stay away from relationships though. I need to explore a whole lot more. Somewhat like you =] shit I know I wanna change some stuff about myself. I still have to find out alot of stuff so it's not all bad. Sure I'm sad, but only because it ended so soon. We barely got to talk though. We basically died out haha. Idk maybe I'm trying to laugh it off. Maybe I had my heart crushed so many times that this became normal. What evvvvs it's over now and it's tv past so imma just let it pass =] step towards the future?