homework madnessss

I have research papers to reaaaaaaad by to night and evaluated >< ahhhh. im expecting late night today TTT.TTT

I never knew the bible would be so interesting

Dear God

(I don't even know if this would work but hey..)
How ya doin? I feel like crap right now. Everything is going bad for me except for leadership. kristine and I have had problems...again. I don't know what to do, i really don't know what to do. I try to be there for her, i really do but it seems like my pressence is unaffective. would there even be a difference if I wasn't there? idk, im not sure if i even wanna try it. she'd probably get mad at me and yell "I can't believe you" sigh. im so lost. im not asking you for anything, i just needed someone to listen. Leadership is finally starting to make a turn about, it took hella energy out of me though, whatever at least they were making progress i think that was a profit. school is still okay, just afraid i'll be declined from the final for tardyness and scared i might not be about to sign up for my classes. family. Dad. he blew off yesterdays practice and today was like only one hour of practice. I hate the signing up for the appointment online its so freaken complicated. annoying. Peter is always late so I ended up doin the dishes and helping out the house :/ i wish i had something i can lash out at without being blamed for. i can't scream cause the neighbor would be like "wtf call 911!" i wish i could close my eyes and be on the beach at night when i open them. i just wanna hear the waves hit the shore and slide back into the ocean. a candle would be nice. just me, the ocean, and the moon. I could reflect on my freaking depressing life and scream the hell i want into the ocean and cry for a bit. I wanna let loose of everything im holding in. damn this society. sigh. thanks for listening to me rant about my insignificant life. hopefully i can make it better. pray for me? ya ya thought not. kay talk to you some other time man.

What to do

What is this feeling...emotionless. I feel nothing. As thanksgiving is drawing closer I become more angry with everyone and myself. What the hell is this?
I don't wanna continue this fight anymore. You win I don't care anymore. Do what you like. Call me selfish call me whatever you want. I'm done fighting. I never did like fights :/ I'll just 'shut up'. I'll try to visit you but I just don't know what to do anymore. What do you want from me? Want me to wait? Want me to go away? Want me to talk? What is it that you want?

tired

so im at the library right now, waiting till 8:00pm so i could go eat with everyone at smokeeatters. why 8 -.- anyways, im up on the 3rd floor in the teen area. hella loud folks talking an chatting. im just on the internet checking my email, facebook, and blogger. im also listening to Gabe Bondoc "My plan" that song is still stuck in my head and its been what...1-2 years? but yeah thanks Myanh ^^ you were the one that gave me this song. I really like the melody and somewhat the lyrics. Its kinda depressing but I'll keep listening to it =]

hmm

Right now im really hungry...I woke up kinda late and didn't have time for food. I want food. I need food, but no money T-T im gonna have to starve i think sigh, we'll see. anyways, yesterday was our 6 month together =] wow amazingly its already been half a year -crazy- time passed by rather quickly huh. I wonder if we'll do anything today hmm :/ eh i'll just wait. Final exams are approaching meaning almost the end of the semester. -shocking- I still don't feel like im in college yet, is that strange? some people told me that its cause freshmen year is easy and told me to wait till i take the harder classes T-T eh he he. hmm we'll im almost half-way done with my freshmen year. kinda worried about my remedial english class though cause I was late again yesterday, and yes it was peter. strangely every time he's late there would be a quiz, a test, a in class essay. its always on those important days were time is the most important. I just hope no more tardies so i could take the final exam. peter better not screw me over -.- besides that everything else is good. -thinkin of subways- mmmm i do want something to eat...i don't think its open though, darn... we'll i gotta go talk to my teacher about something buy buy =]

ever hella scared a turtle before? we'll i think this is the expression it would make ^^

youth rally =]

so yesterday was youth rally. i arrived at 1 and took attendance and helped out a bit. i waited till like 1:45 to see if there were any late people. then i went to the back to see what they were doin. they were playing games like ninja and something else. it seemed really fun, lots of people were runnin around doin weird stuff ^^ I couldn't help but notice that our school was alittle bit lazy, maybe even conceited. some of them weren't even trying, just walking around on and texting. oh well. anyways T. Phat had this hella crazy horn, it was like made of a balloon, and a...what is it...that thing thats left over after you used the entire roll of tissue. the brown thing yeah, its hella crazy idk how he does it but it works =]. I really like the songs that they sang and the videos that they projected. Im thankful to everyone that contributed and more importantly organized this. Hai, you are a great actor, i believe he touched us all. as always i was hesitant to interact and be open but toward the end i opened up so yeah ^^ it felt good to have good and loud music with lyrics because i could sing and yell the heck i want and no one would judge me ^^ its a good feeling if you're insecure about singing in public :P but yeah, i wanted to search for some of the songs they used but i forgot what the titles were T-T i tried looking up on the internet and came across other songs so i was a bit disappointed. if you know what the songs were tell me tell me mkay? ^^ thanks.

The only thing i didn't like was the disrespect of a few people even including ours. idk it annoys me that people choose not to show another a sign of respect. is it really too hard to listen to the person, must you talk with each other right now?, you can't stop texting? it aint that hard. Youth rally is a get together to share faith with each other through, games, skits, food, prayer, hugs, songs...if you don't wanna be here or would rather go and have fun with your friends, boy friends, girlfriends or straight up stay at home? feel free...no one forced you to come. if you did come though, shame on you if you've disrespected one another. i mean really this is supposed to be a positive event, what "GOOD" would it do if you spread hate? common sense people, grow up, mature do something. "there's a time to play and there's a time to work" - Hai I hope all you understand that.

all together, i dont regret coming =] seeing every one and seeing hai go crazy on the drums and this really good singer sing. it was good. Oh! i also liked Bernardo he was cool ^^ i'll keep his penny with the cross and ring that hai gave us.

the theme of the rally was

Freaky just Freaky

So like i had alot of homework to do today cause peter stalled me 8 hours and we got home at 12ish. and the day before that I was hella tired so i didn't do hw. mom went to church, dad and peter went to church. im home alone, so i tried finishing my homework. As I was finishing up my LDC homework when i heard something. it sounded like a baby cried in agony or something but it scared the shit out of me. im still spooked out. I started to think about my mom's miscarriage a few years ago and it freaked me out. I mean, what if this was the miscarriaged baby @o@. I started looking behind me to check if there was anything, but there wasn't as predicted, but i had the feeling like someone was watching me. maybe im paranoid cause im home alone but this is hella freaky. im hella scared and I don't wanna die TToTT. I called kristine to keep me company, we talked for awhile and then she had to help her mom so i was alone again. T^T. I decided to start blogging this and then she called me back. at first i said hello and it was all silent so i was like -huh?- and then i thought about that her phone used to call my number randomly and then the next thought was the "Grudge" sound coming though the phone. Seriously i would have screamed if i heard the grudge on the phone but instead i heard kristine's voice after a few seconds. whew. im still paranoid and afraid. scary stuff.


Try to imagine what type of crying came from this boy, high pitched. It lasted about~ 2-3 seconds.

I like his style

I just thought he looked really cool playing one of my favorite songs.

facebook

so like i was typing out my plan for today on face book. when i finished i click send and this notication thing pops out and say you are only allowed like 420 words you have 5?? blah blah blah and i was like

D: -i like the whole thing though- grrr so i copied it and started to delete slowly till it allowed me to post but heres the originaaaaaaal
-paste-

"in class essay this morning, i kinda forgot about it...yeah...but i think i did fine...amazingly. whew. now gotta study for math exam in the next 3 hours i love my spare time on mondays -lifesaver- after the exam gotta do 2 research paper. one needs to be 5 pages long the other has to beeee like 3 to 4 pages... >< ah ha ha so much tooo doooo...tooodooo ^^ -a moment of thought- that sounds funny xD anyways i hope this day passes so i could relax again ^^ pray for me? thanks a billiooooooooooooooooooooon =]"