Wow, this turned out longer than I thought :P

life is okay at the moment, nothing new.
I'm currently at the school library just waiting till class starts :/
mondays and wedsdays ar quite boring cause I have this 3 hour gap cause my LLD activity class doesn't start till September 14th.

I'm a little bit worried about my classes. Math will make me do alot of research (not my best area :3) LLD 1 is gonna be tough :/ I need to make a good impression so if I need her help she is comfortable enough to support me. Somehow being late for her classes twice out of the three times because peter didn't get ready fast enough. today I missed the class just by a few minutes, sad. I mean I'm not freaking out about it because if I do fail that class I'll just have to go to community college to pass the course then return and continue. Either way life just goes on, I know I'm not really fast so this should be normal for me right? I like my stress management class though. Its very relaxing and I like learning about stress ^^. there are days where we just go to the room next door, lay on a mat, listen to music and his voice. I really like the "Awakening in Utopia" class :P its very lively I just worried that I wont be able to keep up with the others. If you haven't noticed yet reading and writing are my worse subjects. I hope I wont have to read alot cause that'd just kill me.

I drove the car again (my fourth time? o.O?? I finally started getting used to the turns and signaling and what not. My dad offered me to drive on the actual road insead of around the business building. I was scared and afraid and quite frankly I wasn't mentally ready so I drove around the bussiness building one more time then entered the open road. I was scary, I was checking my mirrors like constantly and thinking -what should I do- when I saw the car driving behind me. I made a u turn and dad told me to step on the gas more, I wasn't goin fast enough. So I stepped on it and when it was like 25-30 I was like ahhhh >< soooo fast~ but I did fine. The only thing that I have trouble with is backing up. Im not allowed to use the mirrors so I look back and back up. -failed- it was so bad, I have no idea how it works. I try to find some way to measure the distance from my car to the end and the curb. I couldn't find a way and I still don't know how its done. My dad tried to tell me what to do but I didn't understand, it wasn't going through :/ thats the only thing I'm really worried about, but besides that, its fun ^^ for now at least. I hear you get tired of driving after awhile idk we'll see ^^

love life? the though of it is always in my mind I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to talk about. I'd rather really have you face to face and talk :/ I wish i was better at conversations but the fact is I'm not. I will try but that's all i can give you, that's all i have. And yes, of course I wanna talk to you, I just don't know what to talk about. We already covered so much I just don't know, I keep talking about my wishes for our future but the fact is you're stuck in that house till you graduate. And I can't come to your house, I just...It feels like I cant do anything for you. I mean SPC allowed me to see you every week but now that you might only go once in awhile I don't know how we'll have "our" time. Even though I put out time to visit you at school on tuesday and thursday, I only get to be with you for like 30 minutes to an hour. On top of that we might not even be alone, your brother might be there, you might be surrounded by your friend. Don't get me wrong, I love being with you, I just wish we spent more time together. 30min to an hour two days a week doesn't sound right to me, it just doesnt sound right. I may put up with it now but, if I have to keep this up I don't think I can :/ You have my love and everything else that I am, I gave it all to you. I just don't know how we'll make more time cause I don't see any gaps. Your mom is quite the, "where are you" 24/7 -.-

A little something just for you :x

I hope you like it~ ><

Stupidity got the better of me

Yesterday was all bad. Today even worse.

sigh, FML...seriously just fawk it. I cant do a thing right at all.
Humans are not perfect
humans are greedy
humans are stupid
humans are stubborn
humans are full of regrets
humans are dreamers
humans are messed up
humans are liars
humans are sorry
humans are failures

I am a human...

I am not perfect
I am greedy
I am stupid
I am stubborn
I am full of regrets
I am a dreamer
I am messed up
I am a liar
I am sorry
I am a failures

I am pathetic, I sorry I said those words

Finally~

It's morning right now, everyone is starting to wake up. The plan for today is we go to an art museam. Don't really wanna go though :/ I mean yesterday we litterally spent the whole day walking at boardwalk. My legs were tired and sore all night T-T I don't like walking long distances. Hm art? Arts alright, I'd like to see what other artists hag made but I just don't wanna walk, but I don't wanna be home alone either so I have to go -.-

Breakfast is about to start, I'm just listening to music :/ I'm glad that I'll be home tomorrow. Ugh the trip back -.- airplanes (motion sickness). Philadelphia was fun while it lasted. The weather is really on and off though, like it could be really hot, warm, humid, rainy, thunderstorm but never cold. The only cold thing over here is ac :/ the view? Mmm it's more evironment friendly. Lots of trees everywhere, where as compared to San jose it's all roads and dead grass. Roads over here are really small, like 2 lanes for a highway or something. Shopping? No tax or almost no tax ^^ but dang~ they charge like helllll :/ I guess it equals out :P safest place from he sun? Inside your house, it's very cool inside ^^ my money? -.- don't know if I have any left. I owed mom like 200 something, peter 100 somthing over here and then I bought hella stuff. I think I'm broke -.- sad~ I've never been broke TOT sigh anyways I bought stuff. Lots of clothes, and random stuff ^^

How I'm feeling? Alright~ homesick for a while now :/
What I wanna do when I get back? Visit my kristine T-T
I miss you sweetie~ T-T

What a day, yesterday

I just wanna go home

Yesterday, was a bad day...u guys hurt me deep down
I aint typing this blog cause I wanna blame you, I just want you to know
I'm sorry if you feel like your making alot of mistakes, or not worthy, or just bad...I hope you know that I don't think of you like that.
Your mistakes are fine. Everyone makes mistakes, we ain't saints
Worthy? I believe you are. Your family is real tough on you, you try in school even if you aren't a straight A student. I'm not one either :/ you were hurt many time before and still had the strength to love...I sometimes feel like I'm not the worthy one.
I'm sorry if being with me has made you feel bad, I'm trying, your trying and I think all this good intension should not be blocked by my fear, your negativity.
I need you. Everyday I just wonder if your okay, what are you doin, thinking about. I never intend to hurt you

Wilson? Hmm I idk what to do with him. Feel like I was stabbed in the back :/
Time will heal I guess.

...I'll risk it all...for us

Wedding...

So I haven't blogged in awhile...don't know why :/ anyways today is the day I go on a airplane and go far, far...far away. I'll be staying there for three weeks to attend a wedding, then some shopping. I hope prices are cheap cause I'm starting to run out of money :x I think I packed all the things I need for this trip. I'm not thinking about anything, so blank for awhile now...weird. Well it's not bad, its just I don't know how to cure myself. Its just me, I have my weird moments that I just am like this :/ (its not your fault sweetie =])

Oh, I took the written test today at the DMV. Fail -.- there was 36 questions and I was allowed to get 6 wrong or less. I missed 8 of them. dude it was so unfair, I didn't know they were gonna ask questions that weren't covered in the manual. I based all my facts on the manual and got most of them all right. I missed three that might have been in the manual but the other 5 were sooo messed up -.- I had no reference and failed. Its not fair TOT if they based the whole thing on just the book, I would have passed it perfectly, cheap shot T-T. Anyways that was yesterday, killed my day...so I got home, and decided to clean the rest of my car up. Oh! yeah! I got a car, its a Acura Integra =] I keep hearing everyone wanting this car, but yeah I guess I dont know cars so that aint much of help for me :P

But yeah, it was soooo freaken dirty on the inside ToT. The owner before me was a freaken smoker, he hella smoked in the car (not that I could smell it but anyways) So first I just vacuumed the whole thing (hella dirty), then I attempted to wipe down the car from the inside (hella dirty) sadly I didn't finish though cause the sunset so quickly, it got dark...I couldn't see if it was clean anymore so I stopped for the day. but heeeeelll, the freaken smoker used his car as a ash tray ToT there's burn marks on his seat, on the handle of the driver seat in the back of the car, on top of that its dirty with stains everywhere. Then I found two sets of matches, a cigarette, and lots of crap in the car -.- well its nice and clean now. I finished wiping everything last afternoon (nice and clean xD) all I want now is to just wipe it down with dissinfectants before use, cause I don't want other people to get sick or anything. but yeah, I bet they were drugs too -.- but I'm just gonna consider it nice and clean ^^ I should have taken a "before and after" picture xD well I tooka a picture after the clean but yeah...dad says he'll hire one of those steam cleaners and steam the seats and what not so the stains can disappear :x I hope they go away ><

Hmmm...love life? things are going well ^^ I wanted us to wait a bit longer but couldn't resist anymore xP...I'll miss you =]