mannn~

So Im in a pickle now -.- (not literally, but yeah) but like, kristine's mom told her that she cant see me anymore. I don't know what to do. What can I do? ToT

Anyways, I cant see her for awhile T-T. On top of that my parents left for camping too so there's nothing to do. I don't even know where peters went, so its just me for a couple of days ToT. this was such a good opportunity for me to go visit her, but now I cant even see her >O<

sigh, I can't think of a solution...what if I really cant see her again TToTT
after we just waited a whole month too, man I don't know how long it'll be this time...



_____________________I need you_______________________

I really liked yesterday ^^

I finally saw her yesterday after a month?! I thought the first week was the worst, felt like dying. Well anyways, woke up alittle late like 7:00 am had to rush a bit. told mom I was gonna go out, she asked to gmall i was like yeah. So she told me oh just wait a bit cause I'm about to go to work too so I'll drop you off its close. so I agreed to wait. so she dropped me off at gmall it wouldn't open till 10 am so I chilled, then went to spencers to buy the hello kitty thing cause my mom wanted it :/

After that I walked to the bus station and waited for the bus, its been so long I forgot which bus it was so I asked kristine 46? 47? 47 right? she said 47 so yeah got on then walked to her house. she just got home from from school so she was already all dressed =] we chilled in her room, we talked about LA, I showed her pictures and a video. I brought movies over but they didn't work on the dvd thing :P we ended up watching tv (CSI) lol we watched stuff on youtube too ^^ the "Japanese (something)" it hella cracked me up LMAO (kristine could you tell me what it was called? thank you~ ><)

oh! we had gifts so we exchanged it, I gave her a fan (sooo~ prettyyy~), two cards XP, a key cap (match <3 ^^). I really like her present though XD she bought me this hanger for oldies photo thingmabob ^^ and the crazy photo book. It had pictures of Tokyo and it was a planner <3 xD plus? she wrote in it, short memories of our conversations and a flashback of our past in the back lol sooo cutteeeeeee! >< Anyways time flew by too fast. I had to leave at 7pm to go home ToT I wanted to stay longer~ so we said our goodbyes (she didn't look really happy ><) -I got home safely sweetie-

41st post

hmmm, I got back from LA yesterday, saw alex and nang at church. I didn't do really anything else for the rest of the day. I just texted and laid. eat sleep. I get so bored at home. bummer some of the movies I bought didn't work :/ I want it to be thursday. I wanna get out of the house. there's nothing to do. anyways I didn't wanna blog for awhile now weird, I used to blog like everyday and each month had more and more. somehow july is different...weird. I guess that means i just have to go out more :/ anyways this is the 41st post so woo hoo~

hmmm

Its been more than a week since I've seen her. It feels so long ago.
I miss you. I miss holding your hand, I miss your smile, I miss your scent when your near me, i miss how cute you looks when I look at you, I miss our alone time, i miss your hugs, your love, i miss staring at you, I miss those late nights at your house. I guess the best way for me to say this is...



One week has been so long and boring without you ><

Just another day

So my plan for today was supposedly to clean up our house.
what happened? Dad got lazy.
So what did I do? nothing much, just re watched some really old Digimon movies from the past. Watched a few shows on TV, but I was so bored. I went online, talked to Kristine, went on facebook, blogger, mail. I started getting really annoyed of the fact that I just wasted a whole day doing nothing -.-

Kristine tried to to cheer me up. Didn't work. =( But eventually I gave in somehow, and I was a little bit happier. Then, I decided to check blogs again and found that Kristine just typed one an hour ago, so I checked it out.
lol idk it just make me feel alot better. =] Thanks Kristine ><
you made my day today, seriously...you did.


love you~

I hate my bad memory...I just hate the fact that I am always like this

-sry for the cussing-

Why wasn't I there when she needed me?
She texted, but I couldn't receive it...do you know why?...I know...
It's cause I FUCKED UP...AGAIN!!!
my phone was at Tiffany's and Andrew's house. Why was it there?...I know
I forgot it there along with my jacket and my ipod.
Why the HELL do I keep forgetting SHIT...EASY SHIT.
IT AINT THAT HARD TO REMEMBER TO GRAB YOUR STUFF JEEZ!!!

My mistake costed me dearly this time though. She had to suffer...alone cause of the mistake I made. HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO THINK THAT "ITS OKAY"
(its not okay, not to me...not to me)
I didn't know you didn't like needles, you never told me...I never asked
You text me cause you wanted me to comfort you, to know what you were about to go though. You cried today...I'm not sure if it was from the blood, the needles, or simply cause I didn't respond to you... Please don't think that I have abandoned you, I never will. I'm just so sorry right now. I should have protected you, I should have been there for you, I SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED!!!

The one thing, I hate about myself...is my memory. Can't remember...why...why can't I remember things that anyone else could.
I can't remember my childhood (I hear stories, -aunt- "remember? you when you were a kid, you would just run around and wave to anybody you saw, yelling 'hello!, hello!" (don't remember) -peter- "hey! when we were small, you always picked on me! O:<" (don't remember)
it's not only my childhood, anything really. everyday sorts of things, hw, chores, the lessons in class, favorite thing a certain person likes, a conversation we had in the past, the thing that happened yesterday, what you like, what you don't like, what we did, secrets, stories, orders, favors, my keys, my papers. The one that hurts me the most though is, my childhood. I see pictures, many many pictures of peter and me, me and my family, me by myself and you know what the sad part is?....I can't even recall who that kid is, I have no memory of it happening. I sometimes wonder that, THAT really isn't even me in that picture...

Please believe me though when I say that I have never forgotten about you. I think of you every moment. I'm constantly worrying if you are alright, if anything is troubling you. I'm sorry I couldn't reach you when you needed me, I am truly sorry for what I put you though today. (reasons why I like to keep all my stuff on me at all times and I check if I have these things on me at all times. I'm sorry for today, i really am. I'm so sorry...so sorry. It's fine if you can't forgive me, I'd understand, I'm sorry kristine